Finding Myself

41: Riley

Mason and I walk into school and he walks me to my class like he always does. It's way too early to change habits and I prefer him to not stop this. I just feel safe with him around.

"Hey, you don't mind if I go to the library at lunch, do you? I just don't feel like sitting at the lunch tables today," I mention to him.

"That's totally fine. I know you didn't like sitting there, thank you for doing it for me. It meant a lot," he replies.

I give him a small smile and add, "Hey, it's not lile I'll never sit with you at lunch. You're still be best friend, I'm always going to stick by your side. I just can't go into the crowded cafeteria. I'm feeling anxious and I know going there will make it worse."

Mason nods and i look forward and catch a glimpse of Quinn leaning against the wall near our classroom. She sees me and I can't help but smile at her.

Her smile falters a bit when she sees that Mason is walking beside me. She probably thinks that I didn't break up with him yet.

Mason notices Quinn as well and he waves at her, Quinn gives a small smile back as she shifts position. She crosses her arms and waits for us to get closer.

"So, I'll give you a ride home after school?" Mason asks.

"Uh, yes please. I'll meet you at the field when your practice ends," I reply to him and notice that Quinn narrows her eyebrows.

"Sounds good, see you then. I should head to class now or I'll be late," he adds and comes closer to me for a kiss but he stops himself.

My idiot self walks closer to him as well then realizes that we aren't together anymore so I freeze. Mason looks at me to see how I will react but I just shrug. I don't know what to do now. How do we say goodbye now.

Mason extends his arms out wide as if to go for a hug at the same time as I extend one hand for a hand shake. We both stop halfway and give each other sheepish smiles before we start laughing.

"We need to figure this out later," Mason says and I agree with him.

"Goodbye for now, Mason," I add and he waves as he hurries to get to his class.

I smile as he walks away and then turn around to face Quinn who is giving me a dumbfounded expression. "What in the world did I just witness?"

"Two awkward friends," I joke and Quinn widens her eyes at me.

"Wait, so you two did break up?!"

"Yes," I respond and Quinn gives me a relieved sigh.

"I wasn't sure since you guys walked here together. I was sad because I thought you were too afraid to break it off or that you had changed your mind," she responds.

"I love Mason, but I'm not in love with him. He'll always be my best friend, but he and I both knew it just wasn't right to stay together. We both time it's think to move on," I explain.

She gives me a small smile and comments, "I'm happy for you.But I'm a bot sad because I thought I was your best friend." At first I think she she really means it but then she starts smirking and I playfully punch her shoulder which makes her chuckle.

"You know how important you are to me. I can't compare you to Mason," I blurt out. Quinn looks up at me in shock for a second before she walks closer to pull me in for a tight hug.

It feels so nice to have Quinn so close to me. I feel like I'm slowly putting back the pieces, all thanks to Quinn. Without her I don't think I would have been able to do everything in the last few days. I've had such an eye opening experience because of her.

I know what I feel. I like Quinn and in more than a friend kind of way. But I'm still figuring myself out. I don't want to rush anything, especially since I just broke up with Mason. Right now, I just want to go slow and steady with Quinn. Whatever happens between us happens. I won't hold back anymore.

"You girls should get inside the classroom now otherwise you'll be late when the bell rings," interrupts the teacher.

So, Quinn and I pull away from the hig and we head into the class. We sit next to each other like how we used to and it makes me so happy. I never want to sit far away from her again.

"Are you going to sit with Mason today?" Quinn whispers to me.

"No, I'm going to the library. I want to be somewhere quiet and relaxed for lunch," I respond.

"Can I come with you?" She asks and I I say of course. Spending any time with Quinn automatically makes me happier. She's the only person I wpild want to be with today.

Quinn gives me a beautiful smile before turning to face the teacher to listen to the lecture.

It's hard for me to pay attention in the class, I keep thinking about the last few days. My life has changed so much. Mostly for the better. For once I feel a little bit free and more myself. I'm excited, yet nervous to see what happens next.

I guess I was so stuck in my head that I didn't notice that class had ended. Quinn has to boop my nose to get my attention. I look up at her in shock and she starts giggling.

"You were daydreaming again," she adds. I give her a sheepish smile and quickly try to pack my stuff.

"I know, my grades are suffering because of it," I mention.

"If you ever need help, just ask. I'd be more than happy to help you anyway that I can," she comments.

"You're so cute," I blurt out. Quinn widens her eyes and I realize what I just said. "I mean you're really sweet. I mixed sweet up with cute," I try to explain but I just end up making things worse. Quinn just giggles a bit more before rolling her eyes at me.

"Come on, let's go before we get a tardy," she says grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the classroom.

I would gladly be pulled anywhere by Quinn. Her hand against mine just feels so right. It gives me goosebumps and my heart starts beating like crazy when she intertwines our fingers as we are jogging through the hallway.

When we get to my next class, Quinn suddenly let's go of my hand and it makes me sad. I want her to hold onto me a bit longer, but she needs to hurry to her class.

"See you at lunch, cutie," she says while smirking at me. I try to hide my blush by looking down and she chuckles.

Quinn waves goodbye before turning around the corner to head to her classroom. I wish she could stay with me though. It feels like a part of me is missing when she leaves.

I shouldn't be feeling like this. It's ridiculous to feel so down when Quinn leaves. I'll see her in a few hours anyway, it's not like I'll never see her again. I really need to stop being so dramatic.

I sit down in my desk and get my stuff out. I try to look forward and listen to the teacher, but Quinn is the only person on my mind.

I can't wait to see her later.

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Author note: I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far.

I also hope that you are all safe and following the stay at home orders. Make sure to wash your hands a lot as well. Stay safe!

I also uploaded the video of cutting my hair, be warned, it's super short lol. 

If you made it here, thank you. I'm going to once again talk about the beautiful girl I'm talking to now. We are going to have a zoom date on Monday night and i can't wait. I'm so excited, but so nervous too. This girl makes my heart go crazy. She always puts a smile on my face and I'm lucky to have met her. Okay now I'll stop gushing about her, if I continue, I'm afraid I'll write another novel lol.