FEAR Life (sporadic updates)

Chapter 40

 Chapter 40 –

            My heart drops down to my knees. There was no way I could fix this mess that I’ve created. There are so many things I could’ve done differently, but because of my goddamn pride I couldn’t, I didn’t.

            Decorus begins to talk again, but tears drop down on my cheeks already.

            “There are so many reasons why I should hate you. I should have left when I told you because there was no other reason to stay. But for some reason I can’t bring myself to hate you. I wish I hated you, but I can’t.”

            I breathe out a sigh of relief. “Why didn’t you take it?”

"I didn't take your blood because I knew it would hurt the person that meant the most to me. So many times people betray the ones they love for selfish greed. I didn't want to follow in those footsteps." Decorus says, with an emotion I couldn't quite recognize.

"Do you regret not taking it?"

"Why would I? My scar is a constant reminder that I haven't betrayed you and I never will."

"Never's a long time." I point out. Although I'm not dubious about his promise I wanted to hear his confidence within those words.

"I say things knowing the consequences. And I make promises that I will die keeping."

"Do you resent me?"                      

"I'm guessing to anyone that much could be obvious. I do resent you." He answers. In a way I suppose I'm glad he was being honest even though it's hard to hear.

“I’m sorry.” I hear Decorus getting ready to speak, but I interrupt him once more. “And I know that won’t change anything, but I want you to know that I hate myself for what I’ve done.” Tears spring from my eyes and I let them fall down towards the floor. I didn’t know what else to say. Nothing could make up for what I did. The only reason I found a need to talk to him now is because I’m scared that the longer I put this off, the worse the situation will become. A vendetta only becomes stronger as time goes on. It’s better to apologize now and be relieved tomorrow. Only in this case, it wasn’t the revenge I was scared of; it was the hatred I know that would come along with it.

“I’ll be waiting for you to come back, Decorus .” I feel complete disappointment at the lack of response at my comments.

“Okay. You’ll see me in a couple of days since I expect all of this to blow over. Many people seem genuinely happy to see that the old legend has come to life.” Decorus replies, with absolutely no emotion in his voice.

I flinch at his tone. He responded as if I really was a leader he had no connections with. It was as if all the ability to joke around was lost and buried six feet under.

            “Okay. Thank you, Decorus for everything. I mean that.” I whisper out. “And tell Abditus and Immitis to enjoy their stay there.”

            Decorus didn’t need to respond to that and he knows that. So instead he lets the silence swallow the conversation whole. I take a deep breath and hang up knowing that even if I had something to say he wouldn’t respond.  I hang up with a hole in my chest.

            I have hope that this will ease up when the Strong Three comes back. Although I didn’t really love the idea of calling them that, that’s who they were. Whether they had the power to rule or not the three of them together would always be the Strong Three. And when Decorus comes back, that’s when we could truly work this out… hopefully.