HALCYON

JITENSHA

All kids experience different things during their childhoods. Some people may consider the time as the highlight of their lives, the 'easiest' time to have been alive, while others may consider it dull or traumatizing. I don't think I could really put myself in either category.

I never really glossed over the idea of having a good childhood, nor did I ever curse the childhood I had.
My parents died when I was about 13.
They were in a car accident that killed them both.

I heard from a detective that I never even cared to remember the name of that the car had been caught on fire due to oil that had leaked during the collision of my parents car and some other truck that was long gone by the time the ambulance arrived.

The police could only tell it was a truck because of a nice size dent on the car that could barely even be seen with all the fire that sprouted of it.
Needless to say, my parents obviously did not make it out the car. I'm not even sure where they were headed. It was the summer of eighth grade-just before every parent is supposed to send their child off into highschool, when I was sent to my grandma's house.

She was given full custody of me and seeing as she was already 60 when I was born-she just wasn't capable of doing as many things as my parents had for me.

My dad was 6'5, brown skinned, a bit on the lean side but muscular, and always kept his head shaved very close so that you could only tell he had hair if you were within close proximity.

My mother was about 5'6, dark skinned, always kept her hair slick back with tracks in a ponytail, and had a very curvy figure that always caught people's eyes.

My dad never minded when people looked at her though, he always shook it off by saying "I already have proof of her love for me," while he put his hands on my shoulders.

We went lots of places, like amusement parks, and I was never given any chance to even feel neglected.
It was definitely not a bad childhood to live out-I just felt like it was taken away from me.

I never even did what most people consider the basics of childhood.
Like, having sleepovers, or doing spelling bees, or learning to ride a bike.
My dad always put it off and it's not like I asked or even knew I was supposed to learn.

My parents took me places but never set me up for going places myself except for focusing in school.

My grandma struggled to even take care of herself with her old age and taking me was definitely not in her health's interest.

It was a rude awakening but I could always have had it worse, I never forgot that.
It wasn't really a sensitive topic to me but before Bao, I never had anyone to talk about it with.

My grandma had one of her therapist friends to come and visit once in awhile but she was old too, and she cared more about how I was doing in school than how I was dealing with my parent's death. It almost felt like they only existed in my mind, but I heard my grandma when she cried some nights.

The whole situation just became a big secret, which is why I was reluctant to say anything to Bao when we first talked about childhoods.

It was April 18, 2019 when Bao gave me a piece of standard childhood.

Bao and I were on FaceTime while he was in his sister's car as she drove back home from the mall. I had just asked him what was something he never did as a child that everybody did or something that was surprising about him. I already knew he was homeschooled so I told him he could leave that out.