Unbind the Strings

Twenty One

"Sobrang sakit naman nito..." sabi ko sa sarili ko habang nakapikit at patuloy na tinatatagan ang sarili. "Binigyan mo na naman ako ng rason para sumuko at mawalan ng gana sa buhay. Paano na ako kapag wala ka?" I told her while brushing her hair.

I was just staring at her the whole time. Hindi ako umiimik at kumikibo. My tears already stopped and I was already calm but my chest feels like there's something hard on it. Hindi ko matanggal yung bigat sa dibdib ko, hindi ko alam paano mawala 'yung kirot.

"Kanina birth certificate mo lang tinitingnan ko, ngayon death certificate na..." Napaiyak na naman ako habang tinitingnan ang papel na hawak ko. The nurses asked me if I want her cremated or not. I have to fix the papers and her burial as soon as possible. I won't let her die in a bad situation. 

Wala akong ganang kumain. Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat. Kahit huminga hindi ko magawa. Sobrang lungkot, sobrang sakit kapag nawala 'yung taong pinakahuling inaasahan mong mawawala. 'Yung taong karamay mo sa lahat at hindi ka iniwan. 'Yung taong nagpalaki sa'yo at tinawag kang "anak". 

I became busy for the whole day preparing for my Mom's wake. They brought her to the mortuary and I just waited at home, fixed the living room where she'll be staying. Wala na masyadong kalat kaya nagtaka ako dahil iniwan ko 'tong magulo. Hindi ko akalain na maglilinis ako ng bahay para sa lamay ng nanay ko. Ang sakit isipin na iniintay ko siyang umuwi pero wala na siya. 

"Mommy, I miss you so much..." I was roaming around the house and memories started hitting me one by one. I went to the kitchen where she always cooks and prepares my food. I opened our refrigerator and I wish I just didn't bother to open it because it made me cry again. I saw foods that are organized mukhang kakalagay lang. There's a note on top of each tuppperwares.

"Cali, don't starve yourself, okay? Here's your favorite pizza from yellow cab, thin-crust. Sana gumaling na si Tita. Andito lang ako. I love you." 

"Hi, Cali. Eat this for more energy, I personally cooked this for you. I love you. Stay healthy and safe, my love. Be strong for your Mom, okay."

"I know you'd finish this whole tub. I ordered this online and searched for some reviews kasi alam ko medyo mapili ka sa cheesecake. Enjoy eating this, love. Mahal kita. Praying for Tita's fast recovery."

Lalo akong naiyak pagkabasa ko sa lahat ng notes na sinulat niya. Hindi parin niya ako kinakalimutan kahit ako na mismo ang nagpalayo sakanya. This guy is really something. I was crying so hard and I couldn't breathe when I heard a familiar voice behind me. 

"Sabi ko sa'yo gusto ko pag nakita kita naka-ngiti ka eh." I turned around and saw him holding a paper bag. Mukhang kakabili lang niya ulit ng pagkain. I got up and ran to hug him. His warmth gave me comfort and I felt so relieved.

"Wala na si Mommy..." I cried and cried while resting my head on his chest, still hugging him. I felt him caressing my back and hair while kissing my head, trying to calm me down. 

"Shhh, it's okay baby...Please be strong for Tita. She hates seeing you cry. I won't leave you, tandaan mo 'yan. Let's just pray for Tita and your guidance as well. It's okay to cry, iiyak mo lang 'yan. Nandito lang ako..." I cried so hard and my hug became tighter. I couldn't say a single word because I'm too fed up by my emotions.

"Stop pushing me away because I'll always come back to you," he said while brushing his hand off my hair and slowly tapping my back. "I love you."

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hi sorry it took a while hehehe. i was busy with something so yeah HAHAHAHAHA. PLEASE CORRECT ME IF THERE ARE ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. U CAN COMMENT HERE OR DM ME ON MY SOCIAL MEDIA ACCS!! atl ~