in between

23: just in case

PoV: Kim Seokjin

I couldn't handle him looking at me like that. He seemed so sad and honest but how could I know what he wanted to tell me was for real? How could I be sure he wanted to actually make it right?

"Please just listen to me. After that I will leave you alone if you want me to.", Jungkook pleaded, looking at me with big doe eyes which were full of concern.

He would leave me alone? That sounded good, it would give me time to finally heal. I still wanted him but it would be better if we'd never see each other again. At least for a while.

So I slowly nodded, pulling myself together and hoping he wouldn't talk for too long.
That was, what I thought I was hoping when actually, I wanted him to never stop talking so I wouldn't have to send him away.
No matter how much he hurt me I could not deny my feelings. Which is why I had to let him go.

"I didn't play you. Now before you say anything, hear me out please. I think I have really developed feelings for you. Actual feelings.
When I was driving back home to Busan I accidentally rolled my suitcase over my phone and it broke. I have a new one now but of course I didn't have Hoseok's or your number anymore. There was no way to contact you and I didn't want to bother your management with it.", Jungkook rambled, stumbling a little over his own words. Was that because he was anxious to lose me or because he was lying? I could not be sure.

"I honestly like you so much. And if you'd give me a chance to show that to you, to take care of and cherish you - I will! I really want to prove it to you, make you trust me again. You have never been a one night stand to me, you know that I have adored you long before we even met. Please, give me another chance.", his voice quivered a bit but he did not cry. He was just staring at me with hopeful eyes, making me soft for a moment.

But then I catched myself again, nodded and looked away from him again.
I wanted to hug him so badly but I shouldn't. I knew I shouldn't but I kept thinking about how nice he had smelled, how warm his hugs had been and how content they had made me feel.
No Seokjin, don't get weak now. You got this.

Jungkook sighed, catching on to the signs I was giving him and standing up slowly. "T-thanks for hearing me out, I will leave you alone now."
I nodded once more.
"Good bye, Jin.", he whispered, hesitantly turning around and picking up the empty chips bag, possibly to throw it into the trash.

But he wasn't the only one hesitating. The thought of losing all connections to Jungkook made me feel empty already, not being able to contact him even after today would hurt me deeply.

So I rushed over to him at the trash bin (romantic) and held onto his hand. He looked at me with wide eyes, not really knowing what to say.

And neither did I. Why did I even stop him from leaving when I didn't know what to say to him? His beauty was distracting me from thinking clearly but I tried my best not to focus on his warm eyes too much, to ignore his fluffy hair, his soft-looking lips, his collar bones peaking out a bit under his sweater, his lean but muscular figure hidden under the oversized clothing which looked really good on him, his hands that were so pretty and big his-

"Seokjin?"
I flinched, gasping at him a little. "W-what?"
"Why are you here with me? I thought I was supposed to leave?"

"Yeah uhm..", I cleared my throat., "I just wanted to get your number so I can contact you in an emergency."
"In what kind of emergency would you contact me?", Jungkook asked while taking my phone from me and typing in his number.
"Oh I don't know! But it'll be good to have it just in case!", I answered, a little flustered by my poor attempt to hide that just I didn't want to cut him off entirely.

"Okay then, here is my number, just in case.", he smiled, winking at me once.
Jin, you're strong, don't give in even more.
"Yes. See you. Oh wait no, don't see you, never see you, not seeing you at all-"

He chuckled, gently pressing his hand onto my mouth. "It's okay. Text me whenever you need me.", Jungkook said before turning around and walking away, leaving me with the feeling of his warm hand still lingering on my face.

Oh, Jungkook. What are you doing to me, huh?

[ a/n: It has been a while but I haven't forgotten about this story, I promise :) With everything that's going on atm I hope you can find a little peace or distraction in my stories (if not that's okay too) but remember to keep up with the protests and what's happening so you know what's going on (if you can't handle it mentally it's okay to take breaks. <3). black lives matter. ]