Professor Justice's Secret Files

Abused Women In Vicious Cycles

I had a student who was abused by her boyfriend. She went to class many times having bruises or contusions. Her boyfriend would physically hurt her. The first time I knew about it, her boyfriend had hurt her because she tried waking him up so that they could go to school together. Her boyfriend failed some subjects in Grade 11 and is taking extra classes in Grade 12. She wants to help him. But he would hurt her.

This student was beautiful. She was not that smart but she did not fail any subject. I've tried talking to her many times to leave her boyfriend. She's beautiful and there are other men who could fall in love with her easily. But she stayed with her abusive boyfriend. I found out that her father also beats her mom. It's like a vicious cycle now, but I hope she'll leave.

Lady One has been living with her boyfriend for a couple of years now. In fact, there were times they tried having a baby but Lady One just has not gotten pregnant. She is staying there because he is her boss in their work. There were times he had physically hurt her, but she forgave him. She stays with him even if she is aware that he flirts with other ladies. They're not married yet, but she finds it hard to leave him. She is still somehow concerned for him. She never described in detail but she had issues with her parents.

Daisy hates her mother. She has issues with her parents. They are separated. She thinks she could do better than her mother. But she had a relationship with a partner who had hurt her. He would hurt her, especially if she would deny him sex. This was why she confided to me and I talked with her for a few hours away from school. I brought her friends with us so that she would not be bothered opening up. I hope she really did get away from that boyfriend and that she would start a virtuous, not vicious, cycle.

I could go on and on citing one example after another. But these are examples of vicious cycles. In the social sciences, we understand this as a complex chain of events that reinforce and build up each other. Sadly, this cycle can be passed from one generation to another. A lot of the abused women I came to know came from families who have a history of abusive relationships. Although, while there were those that were none, there are those who start the cycle by their own acts.

Commonly, the women in these vicious cycles do not quickly get out of the loop. Some of them blame themselves or at least try to fight for the existence or preservation of their relationship, although they have different reasons for it.

But it must be insisted that the vicious cycle is not desirable. The challenge is to get out of the loop and find a way to get into a virtuous cycle that yields favorable results. It is not easy. But it can start by opening up to a person credible and willing enough to help a person get out of the vicious cycle. Giving up abusive relationships is advised. There should be no permanence to that.

Bad guys should stop getting the girl.