Sin For Me (bxb)

Awoken

Damian

I woke up with my arms empty. The chill of Thomas replaced by the heat of the summer sun filtering through the window.

I looked around, only to see him with his knees pulled to his chest, heaving like he was sick, sobbing harshly.

I jumped up and went to his side, "Hey, hey, everythings ok. Whats going on!?" I asked him, rubbing his shoulder.

He whipped away from me harshly, pulling himself up. His eyes were a sore looking red, his eyebrows creased together into a sneer.

"What is wrong with me!? Why... why did I..." he slammed his palms into his face in anger.

"What the fuck are you freaking out about?" I asked in total confusion.

"What do you think! I let you fucking touch- no, violate me last night. I'm so disgusting, how- how could I do that? What have you turned me into!"

I rubbed my eyes, still trying to wake up.

This kid, one moment hes begging me to fuck him, the next he's screaming at me for doing what he asked.

"You act like I forced you into it! You were the one waiting in my bed, you kissed me, you begged me to make you feel better, and now suddenly you're holy mother fucking teresa trying to make me the bad guy? Fuck off!" I spat.

"You dont realize how wrong this is! How wrong we are! I am being corrupted." He sobbed.
"Im not going to sit around and play along with this pity party." I said going out the door and slamming it behind me. I heard him shouting from inside our room but I ignored him, beelining for Father Noah's office.

He sat still like a statue, his glasses teetering on the edge of his nose as he bent down to read the pages of whatever book he had splayed out. His skin like the pages of the book, wrinkled and yellowed.

I dropped myself down on the chair with a huff, getting his attention. His eyes widened as they met mine, surprised at either the fact that it was me in his office, or my shirtless self covered in hickies. Either way, I got the guy's attention.

"Damian, what are you do-"

"What the fuck is up with golden boy." I spat.

"Did something happen between you two?" He asked.

"Yeah! I gave him the time of his life and now hes in our room crying about how ruined he is. He wasnt acting like that last night!" I yelled, slamming my palms onto the armrests.

"Damian, please, calm down. Theres no reason to yell, Tom isnt here is he?"

I looked down, huffing. No, he wasnt here, but tell me why I could still feel him in my arms?

"Thomas was born in the church, on the very steps before the door, he has been told his entire life that this is wro-"

"Which is your fault!" I sneered.

He rubbed his forehead, "I simply teach the bible, it is the congregation that listens."

"You brainwashed him since he was a child! More than just being gay, youve convinced him that everything to do with sex or even having fucking feelings is wrong!"

He slammed his hands on the desk, "You don't think I know that!"

His knuckles turned white.

"As I get older Damian... I realize my mistakes, but I cannot change the past! Thomas hates himself, that is my fault! But all I can do is attempt to foster some sense of happiness in what little time I have left with that child!" He revealed.

We both sat in silence for a while. The draft from the window flittering in and passing through pages of books that littered his office.

"I am falling for him." I told him quietly, "And he goes between wanting me and hating me. What do I do?"

"Wait it out, Damian. I can't predict the future, but I have adopted more than a hundred children since I came to this church. They always come around."

"Oh so I should just sit and smile while he screams at me for ruining him? Im fucking good buddy."

"No... defend yourself, dont defend yourself, its up to you. But I beg you to simply empathize, he isnt like you, or the other boys."

I rolled my eyes, why should I have to wait out his bullshit! I have more self respect than that.

His eyes pleaded with me, reminding me of the way Thomas pleaded with me to hold him. I felt the pang in my chest, the ruthless cut of sympathy.

I nodded, "Ok, Ill wait it out. But then what? We run off into the sunset together?" I posed sarcastically.

"That I dont know, its up to you. But promise me one thing Damian." He said softly.

I raised a brow.

"I have seen something within Thomas, something that he has suppressed for many years, and you're beginning to awaken it."

I narrowed my eyes, "Stop with the melodrama, what do you mean?"

"You will see soon enough, just be ready when it happens,"

I stood and went to leave, "and remember that your choice to stay or run will shape both of you. He craves something, something you offer, and I'm afraid once you see that side youll break." He finished.

"Dont worry old man, I dont break easily," I said, slamming the door behind me.