Serilda

Chapter 41

Erik

She stood there dressed in white reminding me of how she had looked the day she had walked down the aisle as she stepped in the position never meant to be hers. There was a vast difference between the two women now. The one who had once walked to me in white was filled with fear and insecurities but the one who I saw with my brother was filled with happiness blossoming with love. The innocence radiating from her making it unable not to pay attention to her.

If felt as if I was seeing someone for the first time and getting entranced. The trace of the woman I had turned her into didn't exist any longer. In place of her was a woman whom I had the chance to have a glimpse once before the lies infiltered our lives.

A memory that I had found in the clutter of images of my camera but for me it was gold.

It was her standing on the balcony of her villa watching the faraway world of the ocean as the sun got lost in the water. There were no lies then. She was just standing there looking, admiring and breathing it in. We both were reeling in from the relationship that was imposed upon each other. I wanted to believe that if the lies hadn't come between us maybe then I could have built a relationship with her, try to get to know her. I smiled at my own ridiculous thought.

Even then she could have never been mine. She was in love with my brother. The truth was even without the lies and even with the lies, she was never meant to be mine. She was his and I had to accept that. Thinking about the ifs that how could it have been if the lies wouldn't have been there was me daydreaming. I could have never given her that kind of love as I saw with my own eyes.

But on the lowest of my days in the empty house with darkness filling me in I would daydream about her. How beautiful life could have been with Serilda? She had tried to love me, tried to care for me and in all the evilness I had dished out to her she had clung to the hope of love that my inebriated state has taken away. That was the last day I had seen her trying to love me.

In the idealness of my house, the realization has struck me one after another that how good she was for me. It plunged me in the heart that she had been suffering here trying to save my child conceived from a night of abuse and rape, while I was far away screwing her sister with her never on my mind.

The incessant thought about how things could have been different if lies weren't believed in had made my heart writhe in pain, shoulders sink in shame and my head hung in shame.

But the reality was that nothing could have been changed. Serilda has told me that the past can't be changed. There was nothing that I could have been done. The problem back was then that the whole world was there to back me up with those lies that Serena fed everyone. Even Aaron had believed in them. His hatred had burned with the same intensity as mine. At that time, I couldn't understand his rage until he told me how much they were in love. It made everything click into place.

Betrayal was the color Serilda was painted in by the brutal lies of Serena and we all had believed in it. There wasn't a sane person who hasn't. We all had.

There was no place for the ifs left now. There wasn't a thing that could have been changed and that is why I Had to survive like this now. Serilda was right it was time for me to move on, to let go.

I had let go but I had yet to move on.

Serilda was the best thing that had ever happened to me but she wasn't ever mine. She was his, my brother's because he was the man she had loved.

We had nothing but a hoax of a relationship that was ruined by the lies.

She was never mine. She never will be and that is how it will always be but I would always be thankful to her. She was the reason I had changed but it was her who had to pay a hefty cost for it for this I would always be in her debt and maybe adore her from far.

I was glad that she was going far away, that they both were because if she was close I would make the mistake of falling for her just by looking at her. I didn't want that because she deserved a lot better.

She deserved the love my brother gave her. She deserved happiness something I could have never been able to give her with our history. Serilda deserved her own happiness and love for once in her life she needed to be loved and taken care of rather than doing it for others. Aaron would love her more than his life, than his own happiness and that is why she was his and not mine.

"She is Aaron's now," a hand on my shoulder made my eyes waiver away from her. My father who was as good as dead was trying to build a family that he had left in shambles stood beside me.

"I know and accept that. I'm happy for them," those words no longer hurting me.

"You know we are here all because of her," I turned to my father taking him in for the first time after years. He was deteriorating with age.

"I know that," he admitted with harshness gone from his voice.

"Do you know how hard it is going to be? The last time we were a family was when Claire was alive and Aaron was three. We are no longer the kids who need their father's attention," he looked at Aaron and then at me.

"Maybe now it's me who needs their attention and care. Maybe it could be you both who could teach me what a family really is because I never had one and didn't try to hold on the one, I had," there was shame in his voice and I wanted to ask how could he think that. He had failed us as a father then why couldn't we fail him as sons.

At least a step into positivity can be taken to make the future better. ................. try to mend the bonds that were severed.

Serilda's words made me hold my tongue. She was right. If I deserved a chance to live and forgiveness then he could have that too.

"You can't mess up this time, dad," It was a step. "You would have to try hard. Things might not be easy but harder than you think. Building a relationship won't be that easy even if blood. We both have to give all of us in it to make it a family for him and ourselves," I stepped towards him taking a closer look at him.

"If you start losing hope or the courage don't fall, I would be there to help and so will be Aaron. Sometimes you just have to ask for help and its no shame to ask for it from family or your kids," I patted him at the shoulder. His eyes stared at me as if thinking that I was the same Erik who used to butt head with him at the office.

"She changed you," his eyes looking at Serilda as he spoke to me.

"She did. Don't you know she is golden," I smiled at my own words.

"Enjoy the party," I turned around to look around at the happy couple for the last time. Their smiles and laughter gave me hope.

Their love gave me hope that someday I could have that too.

______________________________________________________________________

Believe in yourself.

There is only the future you can move on to.

The past can shape you to be a better person but it can't be changed.

Hope is everything.

I hope you loved it.

Hope you could see it as I could.