Serilda

Chapter 7

Serilda

I stared at myself in the mirror.

What have I turned to? I asked myself.

It has been a week since I last saw Nathaniel his calls came but I didn't pick up. I didn't want to drag him into this. I couldn't. He had no idea who I was or what my precious sister had done. No one did besides me. Only I knew the true colors of Serena, who was once my idol. Now all I had was hatred and curses.

I didn't want to hurt Nathaniel or made him feel used. He didn't deserve what I was going to do to him. I didn't want to play with him, break the trust he had for others. I couldn't use him but could I let him get married to her. If what I was doing wrong then marrying her would be marrying a devil himself. Either it was I use him or let him eaten by the devil. I wanted to save him, save him from the heartbreak that I would unleash. Using him would only hurt her but destroy him. Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn't he have been a cheating jerk like my husband? Why?

The shrilling noise of the phone brought me out of my dilemma. I moved away from the mirror to the bed and picked it up only to see his name flashing.

NATHANIEL flashed over the screen. I had ignored him for too long. I thought he would have given up on me. Why wasn't he? Why was he calling him? Why did I have to intrigue him with myself?

Because you want to save him. My subconsciousness told me. I wanted to save him, save him from her. I would have to save him even if it required for me to hurt him and myself in the process. I couldn't play with him anymore, couldn't use my knowledge with him. I had to be true to him about what I felt but only about that. I had to put what was left of my heart on the line if I had to save him. Swiping the screen I picked his call.

"Thank God you picked it up." His concern reached to my heart.

"Hi," I breathed out, laying down on the bed.

"Do you have any idea about how worried you got me, Evelyn?" His concern took me by surprise.

"I-," I struggled with what to say.

"I was worried about you. You never picked up my calls and by each day passing, I was growing anxious. I couldn't even damn, sleep, Evelyn. All because I was in deep thoughts of your whereabouts. I was scared that something might have happened to you." His voice laced concern.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Why? What do you mean by why, Evelyn?" He snapped.

"Why were you so worried about me Nathaniel? Why losing your sleepover me? Why did you care?" I heard him sigh. For a few minutes all I heard was his deep breathing.

"Because I do and I wanted to. There was this fear inside of me that he would have hurt you, that I won't see you ever again. You didn't saw yourself that day Evelyn that day but I did. I saw your suffering and pain. I have seen many people, had many patients who were fucked up but nothing ever like you. You need my help and I know I can. I want to save you Evelyn because I know from the inside you are dead and soon you would be from the outside. I want to bring you back to life, raise you from the dead. I have never met anyone like you, Evelyn. Never seen so much agony inside a human as I see in you. I'm a doctor and I want to save you." His voice filled with too many emotions for me.

He wanted to save me but it was me who wanted to save him. It was really funny that a man like him could see the agony I burned in but my own people couldn't see it. Everyone else ignored it but Nathaniel didn't. He acknowledged it. He didn't let it go but rather held on it. I felt this fear inside of me, the fear that I would drown him too. I wanted to save him not let him save me because I knew my end. I knew how this all was going to end. I didn't want to drag him down in my misery while he tried to save me. No one could save me now. My soul had been turned dark like charcoal. Nothing could save me but I knew I could destroy them.

"But why me, Nathaniel. There are many who would need your help, many who need you more than me." Just leave me alone. Stay away from my life. I wanted to yell. Don't save me but save yourself, I should have screamed but I didn't.

"There might be many more but right now I want to save you from you before it's too late. I can't live with the knowledge that I didn't save you. Just let me help you." There was pleading in his voice.

Save him. My soul called to me. Save him before she destroys him.

"Just don't drag yourself down, Nathaniel, while saving me." I couldn't go with my plan of revenge but I was going on the same route to save him. I could be true to him about what I felt but not with who I'm. If he ever came to know I was the black sheep that his in-laws, fiancee, and the whole world hated, blamed, and disliked he would too become like them. He would too label me as the homewrecker, boyfriend stealer, and a first-class spoiled brat.

"Meet me today, same time and place. Don't leave me hanging in there, Evelyn. I trust you won't."

"I won't," I breathed out before hanging up. I was officially going to do what I was claimed to be. At least now I didn't have to feel bad what people said about me because I knew I will be all that they claimed. I felt sadness deep in my bones. An envelope of self-misery surrounded me in an instant and that is when I felt it

My eyes stared at the date on the phone. The time seven forty in the morning. My body started to close itself. My mind started to shut down. Everything around me didn't matter. Nothing mattered to me at that moment. I felt it, felt the desire to die. I wanted to die as I had wished for a year back. I needed to leave this world. I was wild and frenzy. I was was in need of death to envelop me. I looked around and saw nothing. There wasn't anything to hurt me. Everything screamed inside of me to die. I had to die. I had to join someone.

The mirror in front of me didn't show me my reflection. It showed a woman begging to die, pleading to leave this cruel world. I crawled to the mirror and touched the reflection of that woman who was there. Tears streamed down her face. There was misery in those green orbs I saw. All I saw was a pain in her eyes, agony over her face, and desire of death over her lips. She was me and I was her. We were the same needing death. We both needed to hurt. I had to bleed with her. Have the red liquid flow out of my veins, see the world around me dimming. With all the force within me, I screamed and punched the mirror. A web formed over it, a splatter of my blood shinning over it. I needed more blood just like the way it was that day. I punched again and a banging sound reached my ears. I didn't know what it was because all I knew was to make me bleed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" A lady screamed but I paid no heed. I was on a mission to death.

"Stop it!" She shrieked. She was trying to hold my hand, stop me but my hand kept trying to punch. I was going crazy, my legs and hands kicking her away.

Just let me die!