failures IIII » kpop ✓

one

On most days, I kind of exist. My body is present, but my mind is elsewhere. I feel like I don't belong in my own life and I want to escape the prison of my reality, but I don't know how. It's exhausting, pretending that I like the plain, the mundane, the normalcy - but people like Na Jaemin make it a little easier.

Meeting him was like a breath of fresh air in my boiling and suffocating existence. He was another convict in the prison of life and even though he somehow surpassed everyone's level of crazy, he was the only one brave enough to at least try and look for whatever his heart needed to be happy. Sometimes, he had me wondering if he was harboring hidden suicidal tendencies, like when I was watching him quench his thirst with coffee instead of water or when he thought that it would be a good idea to put a sign with the word idiot on a teacher's back, but he was a fun person to hang out with.

Him and his friends were like me, they didn't fit in the pretty and polished private school world that our families were trying to force us into. Everyone thought that we were rebels without a cause, silly kids who had seen one too many yakuza movies and perhaps they were right - even though I had the privilege of witnessing many cliche violence scenes in person as well - but breaking the rules and getting away with it, made us feel powerful.

We had nothing to give to the world, except chaos.

I didn't like the person that I became when I let the fear get to my head and the only way that I could regain control over myself and my life, was by doing something bad.

Luckily for me - or not, depends on how you look at it - Jaemin encouraged only the stupidest of ideas.

Sunlight was pouring through the windows of the school and the hallways were in a state of chaos. Classes had just ended and the tired students were putting on their jackets, swinging their backpacks on their shoulders and preparing to go home. Small groups of friends were gathering on different corners, talking among each other and sharing the latest gossip.

I was going to go home and study, but just like always, my brain got distracted by something that seemed a lot more appealing.

Donghyuck and Jeno distracted the teacher, while I snuck myself and Jaemin's phone into detention. The two of us were sitting on a window sill now, basking in the warm sunlight and eating green tea Kit Kats. He was typing on his phone, looking for a song that he wanted to show me and loudly complaining about how once again, he was the only unlucky soul that got caught and punished for the trouble that was caused by his entire friend group. Somehow, that always happened.

I kind of feel bad for breaking the rules and sneaking into detention, but at the same time, I don't want to sit behind a Maths textbook and waste another summer.

'' Miki, you are really bad at lying. You should've just said that your dog ate your homework. That would've been much more believable than the whole I couldn't do my homework because my sister is part of the yakuza and she got shot last night. '' Jaemin was sticking his tongue out, playing with the fake piercings on his lip and watching me. He lived right next to a bakery and somehow, he always smelled like fresh pastries. That day, his signature blue leather jacket held the sweet scent of lemon tarts. It was both a blessing and a curse, because ever since we knew each other, he made it impossible for me to stick to any diet. '' If you're gonna lie, you have to at least try and make it sound believable. ''

'' I'm not taking any advice from you. Your brain cells are always high from hanging out with Donghyuck and inhaling too much hair bleach. '' I scoffed and gestured at his head. '' What's with the new hairstyle anyway? Pink hair? Really? I thought that you wanted to look more intimidating and not the opposite. Don't be surprised when a grandma asks you to help her cross the road or some kindergarteners try to steal your lunch money. Did you go to a hairdresser and pay real money to look like this? ''