failures IIII » kpop ✓

prologue

It was difficult to go from having everyone to having nobody.

There were countless times when I wanted to give up, but I didn't. I couldn't. It wasn't just about me anymore. My life wasn't just my own. A tiny hand was always holding on to mine and I had to make sure that the girl that I brought in to this world would be okay.

I wanted to call my mom and dad and ask them, how am I supposed to figure this out, but they were gone. It was just Nami and I, bravely facing the world and fighting against the odds. I tried to raise her the best that I could, but without parents or a degree to back me up, it didn't take long before I went down the wrong path and started earning money in a slightly different way. I wasn't proud of conning people, but I did what I had to do to put food on her plate.

'' You should've kept this boyfriend, mom, '' Nami quietly mumbled, mouth wide in shock as she stared at the enormous villa in front of us. Her dark curls were in two ponytails and her tiny hands were peeking out of the sleeves of my jacket. She had her own, but she was forced to leave it behind after we had to make an emergency escape out of Busan. '' We'd be living like queens now. ''

I chuckled in amusement and patted her head. '' He wasn't rich when we crossed paths. He slept on a bunk bed, in a room that he shared with three other guys. He even used to force me to buy him food from SM's vending machines. ''

The girl glanced at me and frowned in disapproval. '' Mom. ''

My eyes slightly widened in realisation, I nervously smiled and quickly corrected myself: '' What I meant to say was... Things between us didn't work out, so we went separate ways. We don't like people just because of their money, okay? We like them because they say things that make us go 'haha'. Or they don't force us to eat sand from the sandbox at the playground. ''

'' Hey! I learned my lesson okay? It was one time! One single time! I had to show the other kid who's the boss of that playground! He was trying to bully me and ban me from using the swingsets! '' Nami protested, waving her clenched fists in front of her and jumping in the air in protest. I chuckled in amusement at her reaction, feeling satisfied by how my guilt-tripping was making her learn her lesson. She might've forgotten what she did, but I still remembered the screaming from the other kid's mother, who threatened to sue me for supposedly almost causing her son's death. I tried to explain to her that a little sand never killed anybody and that all of us had accidents like these when we were young, but that only made things worse. In the end, I barely convinced her to not call the police.

'' I wonder how much he changed. It's already been five years after all, '' I thoughtfully murmured to myself, raised my hand and rang the doorbell. Nami stopped screaming only when I nudged her and told her to show me her best smile. It was time to put on our performance and sell the story that I came up with on the train from Busan to Seoul.

There was a moment of silence, then I heard the sound of his voice, speaking through the intercom of the villa. '' Who is it? I didn't order any takeway. ''

His voice was deeper, manlier and a lot more tired than I remembered it to be, but it still sparked a certain familiarity in my heart. Memories started appearing in my head, visions of us when we were practicing together or screaming on the roof of SM's dorm building. He made my last couple of months at the agency a lot less unbearable than they could've been. My heart broke when I left and he was the main reason why. I couldn't stop crying while I was sitting in the train, looking out the window and watching Seoul disappear behind me and it was all because I wasn't sure if I would ever get to see him again.

'' It's me. ''

'' You're going to have to be a little clearer than that. ''

'' My name is Yujin. Does that ring a bell? '' I let out a nervous laugh, took a deep breath and tried to ignore my racing heart when I casually added: '' I'm back in Seoul and there's someone that I brought with me. I really think that you should meet her. Her name is Nami and she's your... She's your daughter, Baek. ''