Philophobia (camren)

PROLOGUE

"Dear diary

Actually no let me start over.

Dear journal?

Or Whatever this is I'm writing because my therapist said I should. She said something about if I write what I'm feeling I'll deal with it in a more productive way. So I guess I'll start now...

Um well today is august 15,2020 I start school tomorrow. I'm not exited :/ I'll be a junior in high school so I guess it's good I'm 3/4 of a way done with it. Then again I'm at another new school so yay me? I couldn't care less... my foster mom didn't really speak to me today. She's mad because I wasn't taking my meds,but I just don't see the need for them. She'll get over it eventually. It's not that I don't like this family.. but it's just not home,it's not genuine care for me.. it's more like their job to let me stay here..

I miss my mom...and my grandma and sofi. I wish I was still with them. My life would be so much more different. I wish I could spend just a little time with them. But that won't happen.im angry with my father and I'll never see him or forgive him.. as of now he means nothing to me.

Well moving on.. I don't think I'll make friends tomorrow or ever. Maybe I won't even last the whole school year before being taken to another home.. I don't really care it's kind of my life now. I guess I'm done now. I think this is enough writing? Whatever.

Bye? I think? - camila"

Camila's POV

I closed my journal putting it down on my bed and rubbed my eyes. I looked up as my room door flew open. It was my foster sister maya.

"What's that Camilla?" She asked

"It's CAMILA" I said rolling my eyes "and it's a notebook. Don't touch it" I added

"Why not?" She questioned

I looked at her with a serious face "just don't okay.." she was going to say something when she was cut off .

"girls it's time to go eat dinner" my foster mom said grabbing maya's hand. "Come on Camilla" she said with a soft yet dry smile.

"Its camila..and I'm coming" I spoke softly as they walked away. When I heard them far enough I grabbed my journal and hid it between the mattresses. I didn't want anyone to touch it or see what I've written. I grab my phone putting it on the charger then turn off the light and head downstairs to have dinner.

I got downstairs and sat down at the table. I always get the same seat. Mostly because it was the only one empty when I was first placed here four months ago, but also it's farthest from olivia my foster mom. I didn't like her showing me affection like she does to all the other foster kids. She's not my mother and she never will be. I was in deep thought when I heard my name.

It was olivia "So Camilla you exited for tomorrow" she asked looking at me from across the table.

I gave her a short and dry answer "not really" I went back to my food not paying much attention. She didn't ask anymore questions. The rest of dinner went fine we ate then went out separate ways. I was currently in the room I shared with three other girls olivia fostered. They were all talking about the first day tomorrow excitedly. Me on the other hand I didn't care at all.

I was on my phone looking at a pictures of my family when Olivia came in the room telling us it was time for bed. I hate being told when to go to bed. The girls hurried to their beds. I was already in mine. Olivia was going around giving hugs and kisses and saying 'I love you' to each girl. When she got to my bed she gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the side of my head. I cringed at the feeling.

"I love you Camilla" she said looking at me. I didn't like that at all .

"Please don't tell me that again" I said softly as I laid down and turned away from her.

"I-good night girls" she said softly walking to the door. She turned off the light and shut the door leaving us in the quiet room. I wasn't tired but my mind was all over the place. I didn't feel ready for tomorrow so I quickly fell asleep.

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Heyy so I started this story and I'm really exited with how it's gonna go so I hope you enjoyed this and there will be more updates soon! 🖤