Ghetto Tendencies

37. What Sylas Got on his Mind

Do you ever feel as if you're unintentionally trying too hard, and you give off try hard energy?

Well, I can say, that's how it feels when it comes to Brook.

But in reality its just my personality, I ramble, and it seems like I'm trying to sound smart. But the only reason I do that is because I trust Brooklyn with my thoughts, and secrets, that I had a lot of time to think over. I'm not scared of what I might accidentally say while I'm around her.

Yeah, I want to impress her, but than at the same time I don't have to try because she's easily impressed.

I want to go to her with this on going thought of mine. However I'm scared it might push her away, if she see's I come with a lot of confusing thoughts, and worry, which I didn't show before, it'll be to much put on her all at once.

No one is perfect, but she's close to perfect for me, with the way she can be both carefree and caring, something I see in Manaseas, even at such a young age.

But thing with Brook is that she told me she's in love with me, so its a bit different. She's not the first girl that has told be she loves me, but she's the first girl that hasn't disproven it, or shown different through her actions.

It's making me very afraid that I'm giving my hopes up, and that this is too good to be true.

I can understand why a lot of women say, men aren't worth a thing. And I can also understand that, that same reason is why some girls I've had experiences with think I'm putting on a "nice guy" act, or that I was posing, getting them to trust me, and was just going to take two thing in the end, their heart and trust in me.

I think the best thing to do is address it head first, so it doesn't make me to insecure. It's just hard, because result are never known, until its to late.

And I'm so deeply in love with her, that it would mind fuck me to limits, if I screw this up. I'll over think it for months and months, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I might never be able to get over it and move on.

And that right there is why I'm not emotionally mature.

Just thinking about that is going to screw me in the head, as I try and fix that, to be the perfect boyfriend, and then what I hope to be, The Perfect Husband.

But I'm not perfect, not even close.

I heard a slight knock on my door, causing me to lift my head up and sit up in my bean bag chair.

"What you thinking 'bout?" My mother looked at me worryingly, knowing I can overthink the littlest of things.

'Oh nothing, just how I might not be emotionally mature enough for the most perfect person I know and how I can ruin my life based on one decision'.... is what I wanted to say, but in unwelcoming reality, I can said...

"Not a thing"

"Oh, we finna go to this welcome the fall fair, you wanna come?" She asked, and I calmly shook my head.

"I'll sit that out, maybe another day." I suggested, knowing those events last a few days.

"Alright." She closed my door, that wasn't closed to being with, and she never does that. Letting me know she wanted me to have a peaceful thinking, without the recklessness of my family getting ready.

— 

Once my family was gone, and it was hitting afternoon hours, I decided to take a shot of my moms Hennessy.

I can say I went overboard, and was now drunkingly throwing rocks at Brook's window.

After a while, it got pushed up, in a struggle, by the love of my life, displaying a very adorable, precious, lovable irritated face.

When she saw it was me her expression softened.

My legs weakened causing me to collapse.

——

Chapter a lil different, due to me writing it so long ago.

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