One step beyond

13. confused? Yeah and throwing tantrums

I stood up, dusting off my pants, "like i said. you talk like a 40 year old."

"And you're trying to avoide this conversation." he said standing up. "how long do you think it'll take until you're brothers get suspecious. Look, Clark, i get that you're mad at your parents for not being there for you, but you shouldn't take it out on your brothers." he said.

"i know!" i exclaimed, "i just- i- I don't know what to do anymore okay? all i know is that i am here to try and remember. anything that could help us, because in case you forgot. we are on TV everywhere now, and we're wanted."

he sighed, looking around, "well?" he asked.

"well what?" i furrowed my eyebrows, confused.

"what?" he also furrowed his eyebrows.

"ha?" i aksed. "Okay! stop!" i said holding out my hands, "this is just pointless."

"yeah, i am confused." he said.

"confused?" i asked, "you're confused? just confused? you sure? i am devestated confused."

He just kept looking at me. "you know what Stop! just stop!" he held out his hands, "just do what you came here to do. try to remember. that's why we're here. don't get off topic."

"yeah, you're right." i said looking around, down the road. then i walked down, across the street, Dylan following suit. "don't get off topic." i mimicked him.

"seriously?" he stopped walking and looked at me. i turned around and looked to him, "how do you do this? how do you just take everything sarcastically while we're in the middle of all of this?"

"you don't ge-" i started but he cut me off.

"Yeah, you're right. i don't get it! Because I am not just like you! Now please expla-"

"just stop! okay just stop it! you wanna know why i take everything sarcastically and as a joke. Becuase if i don't, i'll break." i paused, "that's how i keep myself sane. because if i just stop for a minute to think about everything that is happening around me i'll simply break. I try not to take things seriously. I don't know how you do it? i envey you for that. You are so calm. you can keep it together. i just can't not with everything happeneing to me."

he stared at me for a moment, "i can't." he simply said.

"what?"

" I can't keep it together. I just look for the good things in my life and hold on to it. I look for the good things i got out of this." he said stepping closer to me.

i sighed, "i am just hoping that one day i might wake up one morning and realize that this is all just a bad dream." Never in so long have my words been so accurate. I do wish that all of this would be some nightmare, or some big, bad, dream that I will wake up from some morning. You know those dreams that happen within dreams. That's what I am hoping, it is not the best, but it's better. I just hope that one day, I'll wake up and realize it was a bad dream. Not all of it of course, some of it make me want to hold on to that dream, begging me not to wake up, but they are so little things, yet they have such big control over me.

"all of it?" he asked coming closer to me, speaking off my thoughts. I looked up into his hazel eyes, shining into the moonlight. I think I am falling for those eyes, as I feel knots forming inside my stomach with every step he takes towards me.

"what do you mean?" i asked.

"i mean," he said stepping closer he was only a few inches away from me now, and I felt my stomach screech and beg for release, and no bot a stomach ache, more like butterflies. Why am I feeling butterflies. Snap out of it Clark! But I can't help the feeling. "i would want it to dissapear too but not all of it."