The Rant Book

#1 - Wattpad Parents

Today's rant is about a whole new species of its own, first found on our very own Wattpad. 

*drum roll*

Wattpad parents. 

Wattpad parents exist solely on Wattpad, although they may be found on other sites, with slightly different personalities. They are very popular, only because they are nonexistent most of the time.

Yes, freaking nonexistent.

I'm not saying that every story I've come across on here has them, but a good majority of the stories (especially the fan fictions) don't include them. And when they do, I ain't even kidding when I say this, but 69% of the parents follow these certain set of rules which I never knew existed:

• They are workaholics, and always are away on business meetings. Always.  

• They are super rich and always give money to their daughter to buy coffee at Starbucks, and expensive designer clothes.  Because that's just how you raise a teenager.

• They always agree with their child. No fights, no arguments. Just one big happy family. They take the Barney song seriously. Like, no one does that anymore.

• If one of them is dead (in the author's point of view, they've got one less problem without one parent), the other half is always an alcoholic, and is partying elsewhere.  

• They don't have a single curfew for their daughter to go to a high school party on a Friday night wearing short skirts that rather look like wide belts because of course; she's their darling little innocent angel. 

• Unless their daughter suddenly needs them for money, or for asking permission, they are forever on an extending honeymoon in Alaska. 

• They always answer her questions with only one word, like programmed robots: yes. 

• They buy her the most expensive clothes they can find, because that's what high school is all about. They buy her Forever 21 clothing, Gucci handbags, Jimmy Choo Footwear, Victoria's Secret Lingerie, and Starbucks Coffee every day. Oh buy her a BMW too. Then tolerate all her complaints declaring that she has nothing and she hates her parents. What an angelic daughter they have.  

• When their angelic/innocent daughter becomes pregnant at a tender age, they magically appear; act happy and overjoyed and skip all the way to the hospital for nine months for becoming grandparents at such a young age. How great.  

• Let their daughter text/talk all night with random guys. Doesn't matter if she's sending nudes or not, just keep paying her phone bills.  

• Your angel be smoking pot, or banging hot dudes by the hour, or getting drunk, but just keep letting her go anywhere she likes. Being grounded, what does that even mean? They are 'cool' parents, remember?

And if all fails, there's one last thing to do. 

• Die in a car crash.  

Because that's just the best for everyone: the heroine, the boyfriend, the annoyed teacher, the author, the Kardashians, Beyonce, Obama, God, aliens, 5S0S, everyone. 

Great going. Excellent, indeed.

Gosh people honestly, when you write books, do a little research and find out that parents will whoop your ass with a broom if you're even caught talking to a boy. Well, Brown parents anyway. DO A LITTLE RESEARCH AND MAKE PARENTS LIKE PARENTS. FOR GOD'S SAKE PLEASE.

I do not think we can handle an entire new species of parents.

Real-life parents are usually annoying, and do not always nod their head at the news of their teenage daughter's pregnancy. Get your facts straight.

You'll be doing a favor for literally everyone.

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Whoa that was my first rant, hope you liked it. Just felt the strong need to talk about this issue. So sick of it. This was written solely for entertainment purpose, not to be taken seriously.

~ V