Same Time

eighteen.

j a i m e e

+

The following night, Shayden had booked us into a hotel. It was nice, the bedroom was bigger than both mine and Shayden's put together. I threw the small suitcase containing our clothes onto the couch, pulling out my outfit for the night.

My fingers shook slightly as I pulled the lingerie out, I ignored the way my mouth instantly dryed at the thought of what I planned to do.

Shayden seemed on edge too, and I think it's because he's well aware of why I asked him if we could get out of our apartments for a while.

I was going to get over my fear tonight. Shayden was going to fuck me.

"Jaimee?" My eyes flickered up to Shayden's as he said my name, "Are you okay?"

"'M going to take a shower." I mumbled, running a hand over my face as I took my clothes and a towel into the bathroom.

My heart is racing against my rib cage, not being calmed in the slightest by the warm water. This wasn't a new feeling to me- anxiety- but I knew wholeheartedly that I'd have to get over myself if I really wanted to do this.

Spending my entire life scared just wouldn't work. I couldn't dance around this anymore. We'd already done more than kiss, but that was before he found out. What if he wouldn't want me anymore? What if the thought disgusted him? What if he thinks I'm just 'damaged goods'?

"Fuck it." I mutter to myself, shaking my head as I dry myself off. I inhaled deeply, trying to distract myself from my overflowing mind. Thoughts cascaded my mind and I couldn't escape- they were suffocating. I pull on my thong and bra. "C'mon. You can do this. You've got this."

Stepping out of the bathroom, my eyes instantly find Shayden who's laying on the bed with his phone in his hands. His fingers stop typing when he hears me enter the room, gaze flickering up and widening once he sees me.

"Fuck me." He mutters, pulling his lip between his teeth as his black eyes rake over me.

Throwing a smirk onto my face, I resist the urge to dig my fingernails into my palm as I say, "I intend to."

Something shifts between us then as I walk over to the bed, straddling his hips and pressing my lips to his. I breathe in his scent, the familiarity relaxing me slightly as I force my body to calm down. The fake confidence came to me naturally as I grind down onto his clothed thighs, exhaling deeply so my breath tickles his skin.

"Baby," He mutters, leaning his head back as he pulls himself away. "What are you doing?"

"Why are you asking stupid questions?" I hum, attaching my lips to his neck and moving them up towards his jaw. Shayden lets out a soft moan as I start to nip at the most sensitive area of his skin.

"Jai, no."

Ice runs through my veins at his tone. The rejection stings more than I thought it would. "What?"

"I'm not going to have sex with you."

My stomach drops.

"You don't want to touch me." I let out, blinking at him. The pressure on my chest only accumulates.

He thinks I'm disgusting.

"That's not true."

Cameron ruined you. Why would he want to stay with you after his best friend's already had you?

"But you won't sleep with me."

His gaze softens, "Not tonight, love."

My shaking fingers balled up into fists and I tried to desperately fight off all self-deprecating thoughts that started to invade my head. I climb off him, kneeling on the bed beside him.