Same Time

two.

j a i m e e

+

Shayden's been in my life forever, literally. We went through Pre-school, Elementary, Middle and High School together. He was never in my sights until I was around 13, however. At that age, his reputation preceded him, girls literally fell at his feet so they could tell everyone else that they were special, because a boy who hated the world gave them the tiniest bit of attention.

He never scared me, though. I was brazen; so unapologetically myself that I never entertained anyone other than Libbie. He was the same, only entertaining two people - Taylor Ward and Cameron Mason - and left the rest of the school begging for his attention. He was all bruised knuckles and scowls and arrogance, just like me.

We came together at 13 when a group of boys decided to jump him and every single person stood back and watched. He gave as good as he got, but I couldn't compel myself to stand still and let it happen. He was alone, so I fought beside him, until someone smart actually found a teacher to stop the entire mess.

Remi, my elder brother, was furious but it was worth it. We spent the rest of the day cleaning our injuries and talking about life in general. When we got together nearly a year later, we remarked on how far we came. Shayden and I were reckless and relentless and raw. Going from being antisocial and callous to attending parties and knowing pretty much everyone in our High School.

We were infinite; inseparable.

I've never known love like it, can never imagine loving someone else like I love him.

Until just over four years ago. We'd been together for five years at that point and it was still as passionate as ever. Our honeymoon phase was never ending. Every moment I spent with him was like falling in love all over again. And then we went to a party and I didn't go home that night.

He'd left early because he had an early morning shift the day after but I stayed because I was with our friends, I was safe.

Until I wasn't.

Waking up naked, covered in bruises with my clothes ripped up was the most horrific sight I've ever seen. The worst I've ever felt.

But I ignored all the feelings consuming my mind, all the bruises and reminders of what he did to me. The terror, anxiety, shame.

It pains me to admit I couldn't handle it so I did the one thing that I've never done before, I ran away from my problems.

I hid it. Avoiding my family, cutting off everyone other than Libbie and Taylor, and breaking up with Shayden.

I hate myself for hurting him. I hate myself for still being in love with him, even after all this time. It's selfish and unfair and he deserves better.

But I couldn't tell him. How could I have been expected to tell him how his best friend, his unbiological brother, had raped me?

Cameron Mason was now in prison, serving a sentence that seemed so incognizable in comparison to the lifetime of trauma that he'd bestowed upon me.

So many thoughts run through my mind, my nails digging into my palms until tiny crescent moon marks stain my skin. The pain calms the tsunami of emotions threatening to suffocate me.

Here I was, sitting in the Coffee Shop two minutes away from my old house, waiting for my ex-boyfriend to show up. When Taylor had phoned me last night, passing on Shayden's request to speak to me, I was left speechless. And...I hadn't been able to refuse.

It'd been such a long time since I'd spoken to anyone other than Libbie, Taylor or Remi. Maybe talking to someone who used to know all parts of me, the good and the bad, could help me untangle my jumbled thoughts. Hopefully, it'll offer Shayden some shred of closure too. So this didn't need to happen again, and we could both move forward with our lives.