Same Time

fifteen.

I remember that. I remember running away from him as quickly as I could in my dress and failing, due to the fact running was practically foreign to me. I screamed so loudly when he caught me, spinning me around until I felt dizzy.

"We sneaked back into mine at like 3am. I thought my Dad was going to kill me."

"That was the first night I ever stayed over." Shayden reminds me, making my heart flutter. "I held you until you fell asleep and it was the moment that I decided that I never wanted to sleep again if it wasn't next to you."

My cheeks flush at this. It was the first night since the day I was attacked, since the last day of 8th Grade, that I didn't have a nightmare. Shayden protected me, fought them off without even realizing.

Our bodies fit together, like jigsaw pieces. Nothing else has ever worked.

"I couldn't sleep when I lost you." Shayden mumbles under his breath, more as though it was a train of thought rather than a purposeful statement. "Mom got really worried, tried to make me see a doctor."

Something sharp stabs at my chest. I can relate to what he's saying. Sleeping alone after years of being together was painful but a part of me knew I wouldn't have been able to sleep regardless. My mind was constantly on overdrive in the months following our breakup. I couldn't rest, I couldn't sleep. Knowing Cameron was still out there, that he could come back. They didn't even lock him up while we waited for the trial. Hypervigilance became my best friend.

"Maybe that day in the diner just proved that we're meant to be together." Shayden comments following my silence, turning to look into my eyes. "Four years and we ended up in the same place, at the exact same time. It's too crazy to be a coincidence."

"The last dance, me and you. Remember?" I squeeze his hand, "It was always you, Shay."

"I know." He whispers, biting his lip before raising his voice slightly. Hesitantly. "Can I ask you something?"

My pulse accelerates at the question, "Yeah?"

"I know this is the wrong place, but I don't think I'll be able to cope without knowing anymore." He inhales deeply, "The breakup. Did you end it because you were raped?"

Fuck.

8 words. They sent several punches into my chest and I have to force myself to breathe. My vision blurred and the pain igniting within my stomach reaches an almost unbearable height. The question brings back memories and feelings that I never wanted to relive again.

Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

That was my motto; don't think about it and it won't bother you. But it never worked, it never helped when that single word caused me to lose all sense of self.

"You fucking-" I cut myself off, hissing the words at him as I shook my head. I ripped my hand away from his.

How dare he do that here. Of all places. This is our happy place; this is the one place that I actually felt safe.

"Jai-"

Cameron never came here. I'm safe here.

"Shut up." I snap, but my voice breaks. My hands go up to my eyes, wiping whatever fluid was threatening to spill out. "Shut up."

"I didn't-" He stops himself, taking a moment before continuing. "I didn't mean to upset you. Or hurt you. I'm sorry that happened to you, Jaimee, I'm sorry I didn't know."

"Stop." The word sounds like a whine and I almost shatter at the realization that he's seeing me in such a weakened state.

This isn't me. This isn't the me he's known for years.