The reason why.

Dear Owen,

Dear Owen,

Darkness,

Darkness, It's probably one of the scariest things out there. Not because the fear of the dark but because of the way it consumes you. The way it takes over and you become the darkness. It hides behind the fake smile plastered across your face but once you're alone it starts to come out. It takes over your mind, over your thoughts, it surrounds you, not leaving any room for someone to make it disappear.

The Darkness is taking over leaving me alone. I'm surrounded by darkness waiting for someone to be my light and guide my out. But the thing is, you were suppose to be my light, you were suppose to make sure I was okay, that I wasn't completely over taken by the darkness. But you weren't there, you are the oldest brother. That means you are suppose to put all thoughts aside and help me. To make sure that I was okay, and to guide me out of the darkness. But instead it was you driving me into the darkness, it was you chasing me towards the darkness, it was you who made my darkness. 

It's funny, the darkness. It's made to scare you, that it's something to be afraid of but instead it makes you feel so lonely but also like it's the only thing you can count on. It will whisper things to you and makes you believe that you're all lone and everybody left you, it forces you to become isolated from everyone, leaving you with no one. And after you become this lonely mess it feeds off of it, It takes all your energy, all your love, all your hate, angry, sadness, joy and turns it into this negative darkness, and the more you feel happy it turns it into the darkness pushing you in deeper. It's like water, you can add water it will grow, you can add soda it will grow, coffee it will grow, anything you try to do to change it, it turns it into it's self . Taking control of the it and turns it into something it shouldn't be. 

Then it drowns you, filling your lungs until you can't breathe, suffocating you without you even knowing, you're to busy thinking about how you're sinking deeper and deeper, that you don't realize as you're sinking deeper , you're taking it in, crowding you, filling your body, leaving nothing but emptiness and darkness. It doesn't leave until you're one hundred percent completely drowned by the darkness, then it leaves you. Not the feeling, but the presence of it is gone. But leaves you to deal with the after math. And after awhile it grows apart of you. Like it was an actual friend, the only person you can really count on, it leaves you just like everyone else did. 

Just like you did.

After the darkness leaves, you're so broken that you're destroyed. It picks you put, tears you apart, then puts together pieces that don't match, then drops the pieces of you. Like you're nothing but it teaches you to believe you are nothing. Leaving a big mess, pieces forced together that don't go together and a bunch of pieces across the floor and no one willing to help pick them up, help tear part the pieces that don't match, and find the rights ones and help build you up again. 

But you, you, Noah, and Caleb watched the darkness take me, you helped push me towards it, you helped tear me apart piece by piece, watched my down fall, then when it dropped me you walked away with it. You promised you would never hurt me, that you would protect me from anything that wants to harm me. 

But you broke that promise, and you helped harm me, you help me into the darkness, you helped them tear me apart so bad then threw away my love, my joy, my happiness. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. I would never want to harm you, Noah, Owen, and dad in any way shape or form but I need to do this, I needed to do this for me, finally for me. I've been hurting and I need a break before I snap, It's taking all I have to leave because I love you all so damn much but you don't love me and I understand why, I hate me too believe me. But after I leave don't come after me, I need a break. I need love, I need joy, and happiness something you all stole from me, something you should've been giving me. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do so please don't make me regret it. If you truly, truly love me and is ready to show you love, is ready to watch movies and play around and be goofy and move past this then by all means track me down and we can go home and be a family again but if not leave me because if any of you, even just one go back to hating me I won't be able to handle it. It would break me so beyond repair that this time I won't fight the darkness and let it take me because I would have nothing left to fight for because I'm tired, Owen so please let me rest.

I'm sorry.

________________________________________________________________________________

I'm running out of things to say, after every chapter the little " chats" we have get more and more awkward so.......

I hope you all are happy and healthy and staying inside. have a good day or should I say night because it's currently 9:05 p.m right now. 

-----H