OH, HONEY | WHY DON'T WE ONESHOTS

WORTHLESS - jachary

WORTHLESS
jachary

WARNINGS !
VERY brief mentions self harm, slightly depressive thoughts. sad but turns into fluff

SONG: worthless by eli.

please don't read if you're sensitive to the topic of depression/self harm !!

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Zach found it hard to see past the dark thoughts that blocked out all the light in his life.

It was late, too late for Zach to be up. Every time he was, it ended similar to how his night was going.

More often than not, Zach would find himself outside on nights like these. The balcony attached to his bedroom in his apartment provided him an escape from being holed up in his bedroom.

He could feel the breeze brush past his cheeks and settle into his skin, bumps from the chill spreading over his exposed arms. This was better, Zach thought. Better than keeping myself locked inside all day.

Inside or out, fresh air or not—his thoughts persisted in their efforts to remind Zach that either way, he was alone.

Moving out of his shared house with his best friends had seemed like a great idea. He loved the boys to pieces, but having his own space was nice. Zach didn't realize at the time that having privacy would come at the cost of his mental health.

Being alone for a majority of his days was probably the worst thing for him at the moment. Accompanied by the current global situation, Zach felt trapped within himself.

Before he could at least go out and see his friends and family when he wanted—but now? Zach could be one of those people continuing to hang out with friends as a big fuck you to the rest of the world, but he'd never do that.

It was selfish, one thing Zach refused to be.

He felt completely lost when it came to his thoughts. Why did he feel this way? He had a great relationship with his family, an amazing circle of friends, he was living his dream—why did he not feel as good as he should?

Zach didn't understand how even after getting everything he'd wanted he still felt worthless.

He could feel his hips aching with reminder, thighs burning in desperate need of relief.

Tonight, Zach decided to give himself a break and not give in.

Breaking free from his thoughts, Zach picked his phone up from beside him. The sudden brightness made him wince slightly after staring out at the dark night. The screen revealed it to be half past midnight, a heavy sigh escaping him as he knew he'd be awake for hours to come.

His days were repetitive, leaving Zach feeling stuck on this consistent loop of loneliness and disappointment.

Zach shut his phone off before going back to what he was doing. His arms were propped up, feet crossed as he leaned against the railing of his balcony. Zach tipped his head back as a rush of cold air hit him, shivering slightly yet not having the heart to leave the open air.

Zach didn't move from his position until he heard a buzz at his side, tiredly tearing his gaze from the expanse of the sky above to retrieve his phone.