QUIEN ERES, AMOR MISTERIOSO. - (Sinners Series #2).

CHAPTER 24

Why is this happening to me again?. It's not good. I have to stop this before it deepen so hard.

When she finally got close I was still staring at him. I don't really know if it is. I have to stop it with both of them I feel the same way.

"hey Khiella is there something wrong on my face?"

She said and then touch her face and damn I feel like I also wanted to touch her soft and beautiful face. This is so suck.

"ahm. No, nothing let's go"

Then immediately turned my back at her then walk not giving her any glance just walk straight to our classroom. I felt her followed me and then went closer to my side then started to speak to tell me a story about her experience.

"you know what Khiella. I never expected it was gonna be that hard. I mean I didn't expect it to happen to me. I regret that we went to the bar and have sex to a stranger, I shouldn't have let this happen to me."

She said and then frowned. Now I felt so guilty again because at the very first place it's my fault. She just got involved to my being foolishness.

"and then guess what was worst. He always puts drug on my drinks that I didn't notice. I don't know why I've became the victim of a such an culprit like him."

She continue talking and I'm just listening even if I'm too preoccupied about what I am feeling right now towards her.

Kries just stopped talking when our prof arrived at the exact moment we entered the classroom.

It started with a discussion and I forced myself to listen to him even though my heart had not calmed down yet and my mind was everywhere else. so the result was that I was scolded again because I did not listen, I was answered again and released. It's like I'm just getting used to them being like this to me, they're all the same classmates laughing at me.

in all my life ever, I have never experienced having a peaceful life. I have never experienced silence because my whole life has been so noisy. It is full of tragedy. Full of disgusting experiences.

I am always being bullied, I am always being trampled on because it is natural that I am in a land full of dirty and sinful people.

I sat down again to my usual spot often because I was always expelled from class. I'm used to this because there is nothing new.

It's as if I feel like I'm being deprived of a good life. I envy other people because they are good at being happy because they are having fun. I catfish have never experienced being happy.

Why is life like this? it 's so hard that sometimes you can no longer cope, you just want to give up but you still stand even though you are so defeated ?.

I have not believed in the Lord for a long time because they say that even if you are a good person, if you do not have faith in God and do not believe in it, you will never experience security.

they also say that god forgives no matter how sinful you are, but for me all of that is a big lie. People are inherently sinners. and in all my experiences in life I hold that the god they believe in is not true because if he is true why would he lets all this happen to me ?.

I did escape from those I wanted to stay away from but my system did not lose the fear that I might suddenly see them and suddenly they would pick me up again. I don't want to go back to hell somewhere.

If he was really real he would not be doing this to me. Aren't they saying that it is a sin to be part of LGBTQ + ?. That is how people judge and insult one another. Isn't that a sin? why did he make me like this then?. I now love two person but of different genders.

then I am more sinful than any other person who kills and abuses an innocent people. Then I have no right to be forgiven by the god they believe in. Because they say it is against the law of the lord.

But to me those are worthless. because I accept that I am a sinner, I accept to myself that I am a liar and a hypocrite.

I was just stunned watching my favorite watch. It is the only thing that gives me peace and relaxes me. the tree dances and its leaves fall because of the wind that dances them.

This is the only thing that has calmed me down since I was a child.

While meditating alone in the chair, suddenly someone spoke behind me so I immediately turned around. I did not realize that I had thought too deeply before.

"What are you doing here? Just like it often happens to you?"

Fernand asked me and then sat down next to me and looked up at the sky before looking back down and turning to me.

"Yes, nothing is new there Fernand. I'm used to it"

I answered him and looked again at the tree dancing. It just gives me happiness.

"I heard that Ezriel will actually marry you because this is what his parents want to happen"

I looked at him because of what he said.

"Don't be surprised how I found out about it. Ezriel and I are cousins ​​so it was expected that I would know about it".

Yeah I know. I just still cannot accept the fact that I will be get married to him. It's not that I really hate and don't want him to be my husband. It's just that I don't want him/them to regret they met me.

I know from the very beginning since Ezriel brought me here in the Philippines, in my hometown that everything is just a temporary.

The life I have right now is just an temporary it just let me taste it and will disappear eventually.

"yeah."

I said unhappy and then just look at the trees dancing and swaying it leaves because of the wind blowing it.

"it seems like you are not really happy"

I turned to him again and frowned then raised an eyebrow to him.

"of course. It's really obvious Fernand"

I said in frustrate and looked away. He chuckled and then put his arms around my shoulder like friends do. As if we are really a good friend. I looked at him and removed his arms around my shoulder. But he put it there again.

"owh well just prepare yourself for later because you are not going to the office because you two are going straight to the designer for your wedding theme"

That's one too. It's annoying to think that they really want us to get married. Why are they forcing Ezriel to get married if he does not want to ?. What's wrong with that wedding huh?!. When people do not want to, do not force.

I don't know but that's what I noticed that they were in a hurry to get Ezriel be a married person. I really don't understand why. I looked at Fernand with a thought.

There is probably nothing wrong with asking him, is there ?.

"ahm. Fernand I just wanted to ask you something"

I said so he turned to me and removed his arm from my shoulder.

"what is that?"

I stared at him for a moment before deciding to ask.

"Why do they seem to be in such a hurry to get your cousin married? What's up ?I just noticed that they seem to want Ezriel to have their own family right away "

I asked him. It just stared at me and closed its mouth while just looking at me. I was just waiting for an answer from him.

"nothing. You don't have to know about it. It's doesn't matter"

He said then turned away and looked at his wrist watch to see what time is it and then looked at me after.

"it's already 4:30 let's go. You already missed two classes this afternoon and it's time to go. Come on"

He said and then stood up. It's obvious that Fernand are diverting my attention and thoughts about a while ago by changing topics.

I smirked and followed him towards his car that are already parked not far from us. I will found about it soon.

If he don't want to tell me then I will find it by myself.