The Lost Lycan

Chapter 17: Heart to heart

My two hour therapy sections with Ness over the past two weeks have been pleasant, she doesn't push any further when I clearly don't want to continue; She will always leave the conversation ending on a good note.

I have to say, it's been nice, it's to talk to another female again and to be honest I might just want to stay, Ness has turned into a mother figure really quickly. I've found out quite a bit about her too. She stepped down from being a head warrior to become a Councillor/pack advisor when her father and mate died 3 years ago.

The Mortem attacked their pack causing for majority of the people to be wiped out, her mate and father included. She hasn't said why they attacked, but I could feel a lot of guilt following her as she spoke. I wish I could help her, after all the help she has done for me, but I feel it isn't my place to help her. Not when I was with the people who ruined her life.

I wish this guilt will stop following me everywhere.

Now it's only her and her son. His name is Zac I've meet him a few times. He will stop by every now and then when he drops off food for Ness. Apparently he's the head cook at the pack house. Ness talks proudly of his recent uni graduation. He wanted to produce restaurant quality food for his pack and according to Ness the lessons really paid off, because 'he is one hell off a cook Jaime better then any 5 star joint'

I have yet to try this so called amazing food, but I'll trust her word.

Jordan visits  me regularly, but he spends a lot of his time mingling with the other wolves. I feel lonely at times but I am very happy for him, he deserves some time to himself and with his own kind.

Noah doesn't visit as often, he stops arund lunch every day to remind me that just because this pack is nice doesn't mean we can stay, or tell them who I am. It's fully drilled into my mind, but yet he continues to enlighten me every day just about. I miss just talking to him, but right now he's being a hard ass.

Vanessa on the other hand is great company, only she can read my thoughts too well for my liking.

"Something on your mind?"

"Perhaps" I remark. 

We are currently playing phase 10; safe to say my mind isn't fully in the game, "Whats up with you then? anything to rant? or would you like to think on it a bit longer?" she says as she puts down her last phase and depositing her last card onto the reject pile, causing me to groan. 

I throw my cards onto the table with a defeated sigh, "You win, again" She doesn't say anything, but simply just looks at me, a sincere expression on her face.

Running a hand threw my hair, "It's about Noah"

"Is he your mate?" She interjects quickly, a look of wonder and happiness crosses her face.

I shake my head, "I still don't quite understand the whole mate thing"

"Would you like me to-" I cut in, "No, but thank you, I have enough to sort out to be honest"

Packing up the stack of cards I glace at her briefly, "He isn't my mate, I know that much. We thought we were, their was a connection there. But when we kissed it felt wrong, I instantly felt disgusted. I haven't talked to Noah about it yet, he won't stay around long enough for me to talk to him. I asked Jordan a few questions and  apparently Noah thinks we have a bond but it's a familar bond, it's actually his twin brother who is my mate"

"What do you think made you both think you were mates?" Ness has now situated her self on the edge of my bed, her hands fiddling with the hem of his dress, shes nervous. Why?

"I was very much attracted to him and drawn to him when we first met, we even felt sparks, but when I talked to Jordan he said he thinks the spark might have actually been a warning. I didn't feel pleasure, it was more like when you touch something and get zapped from the friction"I try to explain to the best I can, but I'm still confused myself. 

"Would you like me to go get him?" Ness's soft voice asks, "I think you two shouldn't keep this two your self"

"Thank you Ness, but he will do his daily peek in soon, I'll talk to him then..... Hopefully"

And just like that lunch rolls around, hen Noah knocks on the door, Ness answers and quietly leaves, not before wishing me luck with a kiss to my forehead. 

"Hey can we talk?" I ask before he goes to step out of the room.

"Uh yeah sure" He sounds uncertain, almost scared too.

The moment he takes Ness's spot as my bed I cut straight to the chase, "Why are you avoiding me?"

He doesn't answer for some time, hes eyes on the window, I almost don't think he was going to answer, but then he sighs, "I'm sorry, I know avoiding you isn't the right thing to do"

"Then why do it?"

"I thought.... I thought I had found my forever, and I was so happy, but now I'm disappointed"

"Why disappointed?"

"You won't be mine, If my hunch is correct I'll be watching you live your life with someone I care for greatly, but it'll be painful to watch. The fact you aren't my mate doesn't make the feelings I have for you go away. I still like you Jaime, I would like some time to make these feelings go away"

Oh Noah, I'm so sorry.

I wish I could relate with him, to make this better. But the moment we kissed, my feelings for him went away soon after. I saw him in a completely different light, I no looker saw him as a love interest but a brother figure. 

Him ignoring me also helped to seal the deal.

Placing my hand on top of his I smile softly, "I'll give you your space, but just know that I will always be here for you"

"Thank you"

"Can we put this all behind us and be friends?"

"I would like that, I just need a little time" He responds.

"Yeah that's ok

Noah leaves not long after our heart to heart, to grab us some lunch.  Todays special was sun dried tomatoes and chicken pasta; very creamy and delish, with a side of garlic bread. To drink Noah grabbed me a small carton of apple juice.

We spent the afternoon catching up, we don't talk about family, us or the supernatural we talk about normal everyday occurrences. Which then involved into how much the world has changed in just a few years. It's refreshing.

I hope that Noah and I can one day be friends,

"Hey Jaime?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you should avoid washing your hair while we are here, Your natural hair is starting to show"

"Really!' I got up so quickly that I probably ripped all my wounds back open, but at the time I didn't car, I wanted to see my so called natural hair.

Looking at the mirror I don't see any white of the sort, I start to pull my hair aside and then thats when I see it. White hair and a lot of it. The under layer of hair has started to regain its natural roots, "Huh you weren't lying, my hair is white"

Noah appears in my rear view, he smiles softly, "It really is a sight to see"

It's easy to hide thankfully, but with how much white there is I have started to show my natural roots for awhile now. I haven't been the one washing my hair...."Oh no"

"What? What is it?" Noah rushes into panic mode.

"I haven't been washing my hair Noah. Vanessa has been"

"Shit, I'll go find her" Noah is out of the room quicker then I can blink.

Vanessa knows.

What have I done...