Trial of the Times

Chapter 5 - Sith Apprentice

***

Bittersweet images and memories flit through Anakin's mind, eventually bringing him back to waking. Just as he had expected. Thoughts of Obi-Wan continue to torment him, but he realizes that he does feel much better than the night before. Well, that's a start.

He vaguely remembers Dooku mentioning he should wear armor to conceal his identity, but that won't be possible until they reach Serenno. He doesn't know how long he was sleeping, but they could be arriving momentarily. Doubtful. With a shrug, he goes in search of the Count to find him giving instructions to some of his men.

"Skywalker," Dooku acknowledges, turning to face him, "You look better."

"I feel better," replies Anakin dryly.

"Good. I would like to speak with you about the nature of the Dark Side, unless you'd rather eat first?"

Anakin shrugs slightly, "I'm not hungry." Because it's the truth. He hasn't really eaten since yesterday morning, but food is the last thing on his mind. His emotions are in too much of a turmoil for him to eat something, though he doubts Dooku will be willing to let him not eat anything.

Dooku's eyes narrow slightly, "Eat something, Skywalker. You can't train if you don't have energy." Anakin sighs. There goes that hope. So, he'll eat something, just to humor Dooku, because he doesn't really want to anger the Sith. Not when he's practically at his mercy in his own territory.

After eating, Anakin finds himself sitting down with Dooku and listening to a lecture about the Dark Side. "The main similarity between the Jedi and Sith is that both groups believe in emotional control," explains Dooku.

"I think the Jedi believe in emotional eradication," mutters Anakin. From the time he's spent at the Temple, he knows the Jedi believe in releasing their emotions to the Force. It's as though they refuse to acknowledge that they have emotions. It was always what he found hardest, because he's never been able to act as though his emotions don't exist. Unlike Obi-Wan. He hastily pushes away thoughts of his former master. Thinking about him won't help.

"Yes," agrees Dooku, "I think many Jedi have been led to believe that, which is one of the biggest flaws in the Order. All sentients have emotions, and if harnessed properly, they give Force sensitives a great deal of power."

"So, the Sith are after power?" questions Anakin.

Dooku shakes his head, "Not necessarily. No. We use the inherent power in emotions to win duels. That's why Sith are such powerful adversaries. We don't reject our feelings. We embrace them."

Anakin frowns, "You control them, and I suppose that means I'll have to learn what Obi-Wan tried and failed to teach me for years." He struggles to suppress the surge of emotions invoked when he mentioned his brother's name. It may not be as hard to control as it was on Coruscant, but thoughts about Obi-Wan are still too painful for him.

For a moment, the Sith studies him quietly. "No offense," comments Dooku stiffly, "But I would have thought that someone with your reputation would have much more emotional control."

"I like to think that I do," snaps Anakin heatedly, "When I'm not dealing with my master's death."

"Of course," Dooku nods magnanimously, "I understand."

Anakin lets out a breath, "I don't think you do. Not exactly."

"No. You're right. I've never lost a master," agrees the Count, "But I did lose an apprentice, so I can relate to losing someone I cared for."

That admission – it takes Anakin by surprise. He'd never really considered how Dooku might have felt after Qui-Gon was killed, but it couldn't have been easy for him to admit that he'd cared about him. Maybe he hadn't loved him, as Anakin does Obi-Wan, but he did care. And that – he supposes – probably does give Dooku an insight on how Anakin is feeling.

Right. Well back to emotional control, something he's always been lacking in. "How would I control my emotions?" Anakin asks after a moment of thought.

"Don't deny that you have emotions," Dooku answers bluntly, "Accept what you are feeling. There are no right or wrong emotions. You don't have to like what you feel, just accept it. Once you accept your emotions, you no longer give them power. Once you embrace what you're feeling, you can use the power of your emotions against your adversary."

"That doesn't seem... difficult," remarks Anakin wryly, "Is that what the Jedi have been trying to teach?" Because if they are, they could have just explained it the way Dooku is. When he says it like that, it makes Anakin stop and think about how he fights. What Dooku said, it resonated with him. He'd always thought he needed to suppress his emotions to be a good Jedi, but what if he only ever needed to control them?

Controlling. That's something he thinks he can learn. He can't live without them, since they're an integral part of him, but controlling... that he can do.

"No, it's not difficult," Dooku answers, "The Jedi seem to have deviated from their original path. They're letting their fear control them. They think that by hiding from negative emotions, they'll disappear. They won't. They'll simply collect until they explode."

"And fear is a path to the Dark Side," Anakin adds, remembering what Yoda is always saying.

"Yes, it is," agrees the Sith, "And to escape the lure of the Dark Side, the Jedi have begun to convince themselves not to feel any emotions. They're denying what they are."

"So, controlling emotions is key," Anakin murmurs.

"Indeed, and that is what I will teach you. You will learn to control your emotions and harness their power so you will be strong enough to defeat Sidious," confirms Dooku, "You don't need the Dark Side to give you power. You just need a strong connection with and control over yourself."

And that seems so easy. Anakin nods, "I'm ready to learn." And he is. He wants to learn what Dooku can teach him, especially if it will help him avoid the Dark Side. And maybe, part of him is also hoping that he'll be able to better escape the pain of Obi-Wan's death.