Serilda

Chapter 38

I had seen through the craziness of my sister of what it can make you do. I had felt the wrath of it first-hand. Drowned with the misery of Erik as he had punished me for someone else's mistake.

The thought of Aaron losing his memories didn't still that much fear inside of me as much as the thought that Aaron won't be able to love me again does. I didn't want to drown in the same madness of love. I didn't want to stoop low and lose my sanity and soul. Did it all make sense? The fear, the desperation. Being the victim of unrequited love was far more dangerous than being in love. I couldn't stand on the side lines and watch Aaron as he moved on with life. If it ever came to the point that Aaron couldn't fall in love with me again I would choose death more happily than standing on the side-lines watching him fall for someone else. The fear of losing everything made me lose faith in everything even the strong love that exists.

Seconds kept on slipping turning into minutes and then hours. I was a victim of my fears and disastrous thoughts. The mental agony I suffered through with each ticking second as I thought about the future unknown was disastrous.

"Serilda," my name called in a hushed whisper and I looked up to the doctor standing not so far away from me. My finger in pain from all the pulling and pushing.

How much time had passed? How long it has been? My eyes searched and observed the doctors face trying to find an answer. Studying the body language. I was paranoid. Scared. Upset but more than above losing sanity.

He came to my eye level as he sat on his haunches in the blue scrubs.

"We have taken out the tumour. He is alright," he looked into my eyes and I could see that he was tired. I let the words set in and only when they did I took my first breath of relief.

"It was worse than we expected but we did our best in taking out all of it. You made the right call," he held my hands. A stray tear fell from my eyes. My feelings were everywhere.

"The worst is over," he added before standing up. I wanted to ask what the worse could have been.

"How will he be when he wakes up?" the question through all the chaos inside of me as I stared a solemn expression in his eyes. He couldn't look at me straight.

"As I told you it was worse than expected. It was really hard but we were able to get all of the tumour but there is a high chance of him not having some memories," my fingers clenched so hard that it hurt.

"There is no guarantee it will happen. But I want you to be prepared in case it might," those words felt made me feel like I was choking.

"A nurse will brief you in a while and take you to him as soon as he is in his room," he made an haste escape with nothing to say anymore. He left behind me falling deep into the thoughts of my misery and pain. There wasn't anything I could think any more than the words that he might not be able to remember me. Love felt me self-doubting everything. I doubted in my own self and even this love. Asking myself if I wasn't that strong enough how could my love be.

Every second that I spent alone, every minute that I spent by pacing pulled me in and deep inside my own fears. I was alone from outside but fear ran through my blood, nervousness poured through my every pore. The worst part that I had no one to fall on but myself.

I took out my phone browsing through the contacts. There was no one I could call in my time of need. Nos shoulder to cry on. If Aaron forget me there was no one I could cry to. No shoulder to cry on. That was when I felt all alone. Like I was stranded. No one to call for help. There was not one person who could have helped me. No one. Every contact I browsed through was lost.

Not a single soul there to call as my friend.

My name hovered over the name Nathaniel. I had shared my secrets with him. He might have been the man I had believed in but he no longer was the man whom I believed he was. Everything inside me was in chaos it felt as if like my soul stood in the eye of a storm. I had nothing to hold onto. No one to hold on for. The unshed tears blurred my vision. My fingers pressed on the name. Call was placed. It rang. Then another and another. Three rings and it was answered. Placing it onto my ears I just wanted to yell that please help me. That tell me I'm not alone.