The Heart of the Team

Chapter Three

"How was baseball?" Mother asked as I washed up.
"Much better than that god damned school."
"Watch that mouth of yours Beth."
I rolled my eyes and sat down at the table.
"So has your Baseball," She said baseball with a disgusted tone "gotten you to lose any weight? You could definitely stand to lose some."  The rest of dinner was filled with the same insults and comments.
The rest of dinner was really just me sitting staring at the table and not eating more than a few bites.

After dinner I quickly went back to my room.
I sat in the small window seat of my room, switching between looking out the window at Benny's house next door and the mirror hung on the wall.
Eventually i was just staring at myself in the mirror.
"Your so god damned ugly. Definitely need to miss some meals, too fat." I mumbled over and over and over.
Without realizing I began scratching at my arms.

Suddenly something broke my incessant scratching.
"Eliza!" I jumped and looked around.
"Eliza!" I turned to the walkie talkie sitting on my desk.
I reached over and grabbed it. Benny and I had set up a seperate channel a long time ago when we were 6 or 7.
"Yeah?" I asked, trying to sound tearful as I wiped the tears from my eyes. As I waited for him to respond I went back to scratching.
"Stop. You have to stop scratching."
I pushed the button "I'm not."
I could almost hear him roll his eyes "Eliza your window and my window face each other and you're sitting in yours." 
I didn't turn to the window. I couldn't, my voice shook as I spoke "I'm fine. Dont worry about it."
"No your not, what happened?"
"It's nothing, leave me alone."
I leaned my head back against the window.
"It's not nothing. I can tell."
The channel was quiet for a while until i heard a tap on the window.
I jumped and turned to see Benny standing there concern visible in his eyes.
I quickly opened the window.
"What are you doing? I told you i'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're crying." He reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.
I swatted his hand away. "Don't. Touch me." I turned away and began to scratch at my arms.
"Can you come out?"
"I could sneak out, why?"
"Better you sneak out with me than sit in there hurting yourself."
I sighed and stood up. I quickly taped the door and climbed out the window. I pulled my sleeves down even farther.
"Does your mom know you're out?"
Benny nodded. "Yeah, I told her it was important and I would be back by 10."
As we walked I continued scratching at my arms, the voice in my head continuing to whisper about my weight.
I knew it was wrong to listen, but it wasn't right to say it was fully wrong.
"Elizabeth stop." Benny grabbed my arm.
"I said dont touch me." I whispered, pulling my arm away.
He looked me in the eyes "Elizabeth, your my best friend, I'm just trying to make sure your okay."
We wandered around till we reached the sandlot.
"Come on." He motioned for me to follow as he climbed up into the roof of the dugout.
"Are you insane. I can't climb up there, I'll bust right through the roof."
He looked at me like I was crazy "No you wouldn't, come on I'll help you."
I climbed up from the bench and haul myself up into the roof "I got it thanks."
We laid there on the roof watching the stars.
"You know they say that every picture up there has a story. Like those ones," he pointed to a w shaped formation "that's Cassiopeia. She was an Ancient Greek Queen. And she claimed that all of her children 7 girls and 7 boys were more beautiful and handsome than the titan Leto herself. Leto didn't like the queens braggery so she sent her children the god and goddess Artemis and Apollo to go and slay all the children. They did and Cassiopeia was made a picture in the sky to warn others against vanity."
I smiled "you and your damn stars. Tell me about Orion again."
Ever since we were about 10 Benny had loved stars almost as much as baseball. Orion was the best story to hear him tell cause it was his favorite and he would get all excited talking about it.

Later we were walking back to our houses when he started asking questions again.
"Do I get to know what happened?"
I sighed "my mother. But it's not like she's wrong."
My mother wasn't even my real mother. After my mom had died she married my father and then he died so I was stuck with her.
She was tall, skinny, beautiful and white and hated me.
"What do you mean she's not wrong?"
"Well I'm definitely over weight, my hair never looks quiet right and my face, well it just makes everything a lot worse."
"Are you kidding? Your the opposite of all of those things Eliza."
I looked at him quizzically.
"You can keep saying that, you have been for years, I'll believe it when I see it."
Benny's gaze softened.
"If you don't believe me i'll just keep saying it."
"Please don't."
It was too late; he had already begun.
"Hey did you know you're really pretty? Like gorgeous, and so perfect. Not a pound overweight."
"Benny stop."
"And definitely the smartest girl in our neighbourhood. The best at playing baseball, not to mention looking amazing playing it." 
"Benny can you please stop!"
He just kept going and i kept getting closer and closer to tears.
Finally the tears began to fall "Benny stop. Your making me uncomfortable." He turned to me and say the tears falling.
"Oh my god i'm sorry Eliza i didn't mean to. I was just telling the truth."
My voice shook and i began to scratch again.
"You think its the truth and you think you see this image of me as something i'm not. And the more you do it the worse it makes me feel cause your wrong. And I'm worried that one day you finally see who i really am and that your wrong and then you wont want me to play baseball with you and the guys anymore. Thats why i try to dodge compliments and stuff."
Benny just stared at me.
Finally he whispered "I'm sorry. I didn't know it was making you feel like that. I'll try not to anymore."

I climbed back in my window quietly.
"Promise you'll try to stop hurting yourself like that."
I leaned out the window "i promise. Goodnight Benny."
"Goodnight Elizabeth. He reached up and grabbed my hand. "This is okay right?" He whispered.
I nodded confused. He put my hand in his and held it there for a moment. "Things will get better, I promise."
Then he dropped my hand and took off running to his front door.
I checked the tape on my door and seeing it hadn't been moved I sighed with relief.
Bennys words echoed in my head.
"Will things get better?"
No they never did.

Angst? Three chapters in?
Yeah I'm not sorry.