Chained Memories

Chapter 27

Sincerely

Ang dahan-dahang pag-agos ng malamig na tubig mula ulo pababa sa aking katawan ang nagbigay ng pansamantalang kapayapaan sa aking isipan.

If there's something that bothers you and you felt like you're gonna explode because of overthinking, a cold shower will indeed help you off the hook. There's just something about cold showers that calms us down. It's refreshing.

Tumingala ako at pikit mata na sinalubong ang marahas na pagbagsak ng mga butil ng tubig. It has been two days after mommy told me everything.

I am now in the process of slowly accepting everything. Pero hanggang nagyon ay hindi ko pa rin lubos akalain na nangyari ang lahat ng iyon sa akin.

I thought things like that only exists in movies. At first, I find it hard to believe because first of all, I haven't remember any single detail of what really happened because of my condition. Secondly, paano ko sila papaniwalaan kung nagawa nilang itago sa akin ang katotohanan?

How could you trust again the same person who broke your trust?

I felt torn.

I felt betrayed.

That's what I felt. Naisip ko na baka gumagawa na naman sila ng bagong kwento para pagtakpan kung ano ba talaga ang totoo.

Kasi gano'n naman talaga, diba? People tend to conceal a lie with another lie just so the truth would remain kept and unknown.

But mommy's pained expression erased my doubt. Pinagtibay pa iyon ng reaksiyon ni Daddy nang umalis siya while mom's in the middle of telling the painful truth. I just knew that they're not lying.

Hindi sila lilipad mula US pauwi rito para lang magsabi ng kasinungalingan lalo pa at ako na nag-iisang anak nila na babae ang involved. I mean, what possibly they could get if they're just making up horrible stories like that?

My mind wandered back to that same day.

For the whole day, they let me rest alone in my own room as per what I told them. Nakaalalay si Dave kay mommy nang lumabas sila sa kwarto matapos niyang sabihin ang lahat.

Nag-desisyon na akong ayusin ang sarili nang makita kong madilim na sa labas. I stood up and took a bath. Wala rin naman akong mapapala kung magmumukmok ako magdamag sa isang tabi.

Hindi niyon mababago ang katotohanan na kahit kailan ay hindi na muling babalik ang alaalang nawala sa akin.

But at least, I can finally breathe and let go of my worries. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib ngayon na alam ko na ang katotohanan. Because finally, I will no longer wake up every morning asking myself why does my family had to keep a secret with me.

They were silently eating dinner when I went down. I sat down beside mommy. Her eyes widen while staring at me. Si daddy ay simpleng sumulyap sa akin at ipinagpatuloy din agad ang pagkain, habang si Dave naman na nakaupo sa harap ko ay parang hindi rin makapaniwala sa nakikita.

Gosh, bakit ganyan ang mga ekspresyon nila? Do they really think I'd waste another time sulking over something I couldn't even remember?

Aaminin ko, what happened to me was really hard. I was kidnapped. I was maltreated. I am suffering from amnesia—and it's not just an ordinary one because in my case, I wouldn't be able to recover the memories that I lost.

It's hard, but I cannot do anything rather than to slowly accept everything and move on. That's life. It will do no good to us if we keep on dwelling with the past.

I put enough amount of rice in my plates. Nanginginig ang kamay na inabot ni mommy ang ulam at nilagyan ang plato ko. Napatingin ako roon. It's her favorite.