Joanne Suggwell One Shots 3

Loved

I haven't edited this, because I've literally just written it in one sitting, sorry. I just really wanted to post it straightaway- it's super short. A little FYI- I work in a small supermarket at the moment and as you may be able to imagine it's been full on. I'm not going to go into detail but I did want to give a bit of a reason why I've been a bit MIA. Also, I've been writing one request for weeks 😯 whoops. Anyway enjoy???

Dianne could feel her knees beginning to fall from under her, as she listened to the man she loved speak. She didn't let them fall though, she squeezed as tight as she could and remained upright and seemingly steady. Now, she was well aware, was not the time to show any vulnerability- not when the words he was saying felt like surgical grade scalpels hacking through her middle all messy and jagged. No, she reminded herself, as she pinched her arms repeatedly through her dressing gown, now was the time to be strong.

"...I loved you, I did."

"Loved," she hated how week her voice sounded, how small she felt, and how much effort she was having to put in to stop herself melting into a pile.

"I'm sorry Dot," she shivered.

"You can't call me that, not when you're doing this."

"Sorry. I er I just, the feelings, they're gone. We spend so much time arguing or with you on the road. It's," he paused, struggling to find the right words.

"I'm not worth it."

"N-"

She gave him a pointed look, perceptively feeling taller and taller, "just save it. I don't want to hear any more excuses. You can just say it now. It should be easy, you've been using the past tense for weeks."

"Dianne."

"Come on," her power was beginning to come back with the pounding in her chest.

"My love."

"Nope, try again. Stop fucking stalling."

"The journey everything you taught me I'm so grateful but this is... we need to break up."

There it was. Now it was actually said, Dianne felt tiny again, seeing the sympathy in his eyes that wasn't enough to try. She suddenly needed to cry. And he needed to be gone.

"You'll get a hotel tonight then?" She glanced at his case.

"I'll text you."

"No," she had taken a few steadying breaths, "I'll text you."

"Bye Dianne."

"Bye Joseph."

As the door closed she crippled, falling in half, her chest ripping in two. She heard the car door shut and immediately let out the sob that had been ready in waiting for far too long. As she slumped further onto the floor she realised just how alone she was. The house they had bought together was too big for one person. She was millions of miles away from her parents, it felt like. And worst of all, she couldn't even call anyone who was near by to help. They were all probably sound asleep in London, an hour away from where she was at least.

She closed her eyes, hands crossed over her chest and cried, remembering every memory they had. She felt like they had come close to having it all. They had the house, a nice car and, she opened her eyes... the ring. It made her sob again. He must have proposed in hopes to make himself love her again. That was enough to stop the upset and start the rage.

"Not worth it," she shouted, hurling the ring as far away from herself as possible, "I loved you with all my heart Joseph. All of it. And you couldn't be ar-"

"Shh, I've got you," it was dark, and a hand was combing through her hair. She could feel it shaking, "it's, you're dreaming."

"Joe?" She croaked, lifting a hand to her face, which was wet.

"You're awake, thank goodness, I tried to stop the pinching and the crying but you wouldn't wak- what happened?"

Dianne shook her head, rolling from his arms. She swung her legs over her side of the bed and took three heaving deep breaths as she muttered, "it was just a dream."

"I think it was about me, or us. You said my name and love and stuff. But it was a bad one."

Dianne nodded, "if you ever break up to me, don't propose first."

"No, I wouldn't. Was that what it was?" He crawled over to her and tentatively put a hand on his back.

"You didn't love me," she finally broke, beginning to sob into his shoulder, "I was alone."

"You're safe. Just cry. I still love you, I didn't ever stop. It wasn't real."

"I love you too."

"Let's walk and get a drink of water, get away from this bed." Joe suggested, kissing her temple, after her sobs had slowed to cries.

"I, you didn't love me."

"I don't think that will ever happen. I'll love you until you tell me to stop loving you."

"Don't ever," she clutched his side, "don't ever stop."

"I won't," another kiss to her temple, as they reached the bottom of the stairs, "I love you."