A Wrench in the Gears [Damien Haas]

23. Get my wife on the phone!

Hey there! Hellooo! How are you guys?

I think we can settle on 25 chapters for this story now. I didn't know I could compress two chapters' worth of story into the previous chapter, but hey, it happened.

I'm gonna miss writing this. It's so light and fun and all that. But anyway, Damien's point of view, and see ya!

-/-/-

The one thing a person looks forward to more than their own wedding day is of course their best friend's wedding day.

Courtney was now nine months pregnant, and even though she didn't want a baby bump to ruin her dress, she went with it anyway. Shayne, on the other hand, is so ready to be a father that sometimes he treats Noah as his own child, which makes us laugh at the office. Keith and Olivia are running last-minute errands for the wedding, and it's me, Ian, and Shayne left in his waiting room.

"I look like utter shit," he mumbles. "Just kidding! I look hot. Nice job, self."

"Damn, you're getting married today!" Ian exclaims, patting him on the back. "It just reminds me of how I feel terribly old now. And unmarried."

"I love you, dude, but you're just gonna end up wasted tonight," Shayne tells him, laughing. "Oh, wait, no. Lily's with you today, right? That's a Drunk Ian item off my list now: not get wasted because of girlfriend."

"Is it though? I feel like Lily would get wasted too," I remark, chuckling. "I wouldn't. No alcohol for this man here."

"Just don't topple over the cake. I beg of you."

I was extremely happy for Shayne. His life felt complete now, because he and Courtney are finally getting married. I could remember the time he told me he met the girl of his dreams:

"Damien!" Shayne shouted at me from the doorframe of the cafe. "Dude. I just got back from that Smosh audition, and you know that blonde girl on Vine with the really nice eyes I told you about?"

"Um, Courtney Miller?" I asked, sipping on some coffee.

"Yeah! She was there! We were auditioning for the same job, and damn it, she was just... dreamy," he said, leaning back in his seat and sighing with a smile on his face. "Out of sheer freaking confidence, though, I told her before I left, 'See you at work.' And she straight up laughed! If we both get a callback, I swear, I'm gonna make sure she and I would be the best of co-workers."

And then of course, when he got the callback:

From: Shayne Bottom
YO I GOT THE JOB AT SMOSH

From: Shayne Bottom
I wanted to ask them so badly if they also got Courtney in, but idk is that a little too bold of me to ask?

From: Da Man Haas
DUDE CONGRATS! Well, maybe you could just ask her on social media?

From: Shayne Bottom
Did you assume that I know her social media? Because damn right I do. Be right back! And thanks, D. I swear I'll get you a spot on Smosh Games.

From: Shayne Bottom
SHE GOT IN TOO OH MY GOD I'M GONNA GO TO WORK WITH MY CRUSH

From: Da Man Haas
That is awesome! Looks like you gotta work on your pickup lines now and make sure they're not rusty.

Of course, I never really knew how things between them progressed, because I never knew that things progressed. I assumed that Shayne tried his luck but failed at it, but little did we all know that Courtney felt the same way.

My phone rings, snapping me back to reality. Jade's calling, so I pick it up, "Hey, baby! You done getting ready or something?"

"GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT WAITING ROOM RIGHT NOW!" she shouts extremely loudly. "Okay, look, I'm sorry for shouting! But I'm driving right now, and--- oh my, God! I almost got hit by that freaking---"