A-O Bomb Squad 4: The Final Blow

Fail Face

I immediately woke everyone else up and made them aware there was a dog that could possibly have the disease. We contained the dog in another room. It stood at the door and barked at us. We stood in a circle and discussed what we should do. A majority said we should kill it, even Mom, because they figured dogs could be carriers. "I never liked dogs, but I always wanted a puppy. And that doesn't look like a puppy," Mom said.

"I like dogs," Boss Man argued. "Let's keep it."

"What if it holds the disease? I can't exactly examine a dog for the infection," Coco replied.

"What if animals can't have the infection because their blood is different from ours?" I suggested.

"Only one way to find out." We managed to hold down the dog while Coco took a small blood sample from it (we figured out it was actually a her), and we took the sample down to the science lab. Coco couldn't find any traces of the virus that had infected everyone else on the planet. She showed it to everyone else to prove it.

"So the dog is clean?" I asked.

"Yep, no signs of the infection anywhere," Coco confirmed.

"So can we keep it?" I begged. "Please, Mom!" Everyone gave her "the puppy dog eyes." She eventually cracked.

"Okay! Fine! We can keep her!" she shouted. Everyone smiled and ran back upstairs to let the dog out. We opened the door and she ran out and went face first into the lockers. She shook her head and began barking happily. She jumped on me and we fell to the ground. She vigorously licked my face until Boss Man pulled her off.

"So we should we name her?" Dad asked. The dog was running in circles, chasing her tail. When she caught it, she bit it and yelped.

"Fail Face," Coco answered. Everyone looked at her. "What? I seem to be naming everything else around here. Plus it fits, look at her." The dog was rolling on the floor like she was on crack. Everyone then agreed to name the dog Fail Face.

"So what kind of dog is it?" I asked as I pet her head.

"German Shepard, I think," Boss Man answered.

"Aw! She's cute!" Charles exclaimed. She jumped down and hugged Fail Face's neck. She responded by licking Charles's face. "But she has a licking problem."

"Well, how long do you think it's been since she's seen a live human being?" Buzz Kill asked as she came over and met the dog. She looked down at Fail Face's paws. "She's definitely going to need her nails trimmed."

"I'll do it," Boss Man volunteered. One by one everyone came over and introduced themself to Fail Face. She excitedly licked everyone and barked happily whenever she heard her new name being called. I think she figured out her name really fast because she only responded to Fail Face. We tried calling other members names at her, but she'd just turn her head sideways and stare at us. We were all impressed with how smart she was, but at the same time, how dumb she was.

At dinner time, we fed her the left overs from what we ate. She decided to sit in between me and Aunt Coco. We both happily fed her our extra food. Aunt Mamasita even taught her some tricks after dinner. She managed to teach her how to sit, shake, speak, and roll over. Mom said to make Fail Face useful and teach her how to hunt zombies. To which Mamasita replied, "Keep your panties on! She can only learn so much in a day!" Everyone laughed, even Mom.

"I think she's going to make a good addition to the family," Mom said proudly. "Hey if we find another one, we can preserve the dog species!"

"Because fuck the human species!" Coco shouted.

"Becca! Language!" Mamasita scolded.

"Sure thing, Mom," Coco sassed. Everyone laughed and Fail Face barked excitedly. "Looks like we've taught her how to laugh too."

"Still waiting on the zombie alert dog!" Mom replied somewhat impatiently.

"Shut up and go to bed!" Mamasita ordered happily.

We walked toward the stairs with Fail Face leading the way. She seemed to know where we all slept. She walked in a circle around my bed and laid down at the edge. I laid my head on the pillow and covered the both of us up with a blanket. I fell asleep and dreamt of a world full of people instead of zombies. I was a normal teen, who went to school and had friends. Everyday I'd walk home and Fail Face would meet me halfway. Then we'd race home. Sometimes she'd let me win, and sometimes she won. I'd sit at the kitchen table and have Dad help me with my homework. Then we'd eat dinner and go to bed. Fail Face would sleep in the same spot on my bed. And I'd dream of dreams like this one.

It felt complete with Fail Face here, my family. We needed a pet, and Loud Speaker wasn't good enough. I'm happy dogs can't have the zombie disease. If only people could be immune too. Then zombies wouldn't kill my family.