girl crush [ idols x idol!oc ]

girl crush [ fifty ]

"we will have you prepare for a mini album, sooji. the producers shall work with you, and i believe in your composition skills as well. what concept would you choose from these?" the ceo told me, as i was sat in front of him in the office.

he slid a piece of paper towards me, and i scanned it. it was a list of concepts, with details and such. i believe, they really wanted me to explore with own style so i really appreciate being here at sm.

"this one, ceo. i'd really like this one," i said, pointing at the third one.

the first one was a girly concept, and i'm not really into that concept in terms of composition. the second one was a sexy concept. the third was a badass concept, the one that i chose.

"okay, you can go back now. give us updates about whether you've already written a song. the producers and composers can help you if you feel like you're having a bad time," said the ceo, and then i bowed before exiting the office.

as i was walking back to the practice room, i can't help but sigh. back in yg, we weren't really able to choose our own genre in music. but still, i knew that yang ceo favoured me like he did to jennie. it makes me feel guilty, until now.

but what makes me feel bothered is that i feel like ceo sooman is spoiling me, like he's paying more attention to me than the others even if i just came back to his company. it bothers me in a way that i'm being worried about the other sm artists.

i sighed, and then went back inside the practice room. if i didn't leave yg, what would happen? or even more, if i didn't leave sm before and became a member of red velvet, what would happen?

i closed the door to the practice room i was using since earlier, and then played the music. i made sure that no one can get inside, and that no one can hear me.

i played an azes song. i suddenly felt like missing the girls.

as the music played, i went into position and then danced to it, closing my eyes and imagining that i was still in azes. that i still stood on a stage with them, looking out at the crowd.

when the song finally ended, i sighed. i missed performing with them. but a part of me also told myself that it was just right that i left yg, because i'd save their careers and mine as well.

i started questioning my choices again, my mind bombarded with questions. what do i do?

"you're always deep in thought lately, sooji. what happened?" asked irene unnie, so i gave her a smile and then shook my head.

"oh? it's nothing, unnie. nothing i can't handle. just a bit stressed. we all are," i replied, and then she slowly nodded.

i knew she wasn't convinced, but she had to pretend she was. she probably knows how stubborn i will be on not telling her why. besides, i never will spill about my thoughts.

i can deal with it alone.

"i have to go now, sooji. make sure you eat properly, and take care." said irene unnie, so i smiled at her and then nodded.

"yes, unnie. i will."

as she went away, i started taking all my things from the cafe we were in, which was just a few minutes away from the sm building.

once done, i went out of the cafe and walked towards my dorm. i'd just try and make myself feel comfortable enough tonight. i'm not sure how, but i'll try to make a way.

these thoughts are killing me.