stripper killer [matty healy]

thirty five - 25 to life

25 to life: the prison sentence for murder. if you are convicted the judge has to sentence you to a life sentence with the chance of parole after 25 years.

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india

i stirred awake, breathing in the floral scent of my washing powder as i shove my face further into the pillow. god i'd missed this bed. it was nice for matty to agree coming here last night. when i said i wanted my own bed i expected him to point blank refuse, but he didn't. he just told me to grab my coat.

i couldn't believe it, i was actually going to leave that apartment. it was like my breath was taken from me as the crisp december air hit my face. my fingers were numb and i'm pretty sure i had blue lips by the time we got here, but i didn't mind. i was just happy to be back in my home again, even if that did mean i would constantly have to opt for the stairs.

as i wriggled my legs i remembered that i'm still naked, and then a smile forms across my face as i replay last night in my head. i can't remember the last time i felt so... good. maybe that really was the difference between having sex and 'making love' (as silly as it sounds.)

i push a leg over to the other side of the bed, feeling around for mattys. there was something about playing footsies in the morning with him that i just loved, so i was upset when i couldn't find it.

"matty?" i groan, not wanting to pull my face from the far too soft pillow. no response. "matty?" i try again. still nothing.

i reluctantly lift my head and flip it round, to reveal an empty bed and a sad feeling in the bottom of my stomach. i was almost mad at him, until i notice the little note folded up on the night stand.

breakfast is in the kitchen. i love you x

i bite my bottom lip as i smile and climb from the bed and make my way into the ensuite. i needed to fix myself up. sex hadn't messed my hair this much in a long time, and i did not want to scare him off; so i brush my teeth, wash my face and brush through my hair before slipping on my dressing gown and making my way into the kitchen.

"morning!" i call as i walk in, only to be stopped in place when i realise he's not in here.

there was a stack of pancakes set up in the middle of the table, surrounded by different bowls of sliced fruit and a jug of fresh orange. it was like just like the time i had done it for him.

he's probably nipped out i tell myself as i slide into my seat. i'm sure he won't mind if i start without him. i grab a few pancakes and drop them on my plate. they were stone cold, but i don't mind them like that, plus i'm too lazy to make some more so they'll have to do.

i put on some strawberries and raspberries and dig in, when i notice an envelope stuck under one of the bowls out of the corner of my eye.

did he bring my post in?

i reach out and lift the bowl slightly to retrieve it. it's addressed to me, and there's no stamp. so it must of been hand delivered, unless.. wait, yeah. that's mattys handwriting.

another note? seriously? what's this boy playing at? i wipe my hands on my robe, before tearing at the top of the envelope, being careful to not rip whatever was inside.

little did i know, that this letter would change my life forever.

india chance,

before you begin to read this i want you to find somewhere comfortable to sit, make sure you drop everything else you're doing and focus entirely on my words. i want you too feel like i'm really there with you telling you all this, and fuck me i wish i could be.

i guess you could say the day i first met you was the best day of my life. i can still remember the look on your face as you came through that back door, i can still hear you taking the short little breathe as the cold air hit you and i can still feel the nerves radiating of you in waves.

in that exact moment i hadn't just met another girl who i would drag into my twisted ways, but i had found someone who made me not want to be that person anymore.

as you left that bar i knew i was making the best and worst decision of my life, but i knew i had to stay away from you because naturally my urge was to kill anything i found appealing, and i didnt want to do that to you. i couldnt bring myself to do so, so i had to create distance.. but evidently, that didn't work.

me trying to stay away from you only made the gravitational pull towards you stronger and i just couldn't knock it, you consumed every inch of my brain and before i knew it i couldnt think about anything other than how your day was going.

i knew that pulling you into my mess of a life was far from what you deserved, but i couldnt help myself. i've made alot of mistakes in my life india, a lot... and meeting you was not one of them.. because i dont think i would have survived without you, but ruining you is one. fuck, thats my biggest one.

killing harry and that girl, who's name neither of us know... that wasn't you. the india i know would never do that, i'm having an influence on you and it's horrible to watch. my heart breaks to sit and see you try and pretend to be okay when i know full well, just by looking at you that you're far from okay. you're tearing at the seams.. all because of me.

you are the most wonderful, bright, and memerzing person i've ever met and you have so much potential in life, baby, you can go so far, i know it. honestly, everything you do inspires me to be a better person, and not for one single second longer, am i going to let myself stand in the way of that.

so, if you haven't already seen the news this morning... put it on.

after preparing you breakfast and kissing you on the forehead one last time while you slept, i went down to the police station and confessed. i confessed to the murder of gemma styles, harry styles, the girl with no name and the many other people who you do not know of. i don't want to be that person anymore, and i know unless i'm shut away, i will be. so i'm going go prison. i will definitely have 25 to life.

you deserve this india, you deserve a second chance, a fresh start.. a new beginning. you can still be everything you wanted to be when you first met me. i want you to go out and see the world, quit that awful job of yours, both of them! go and travel, fall in love, get married, have beautiful children. just go and live your life and never look back. just be happy, because you deserve nothing less.

oh, and before i forget, there's just a few things i need you too do for me..

you need to promise not to try and fight this, or come forward about anything related to it.

you are not to visit me, or attempt to contact me. ever. regardless of the situation.

on the 3rd of december each year, i need you to take flowers to the southern cemetery, and place them on a grave named aaron healy. no questions asked.

now, put this letter down, trash it, burn it.. just do something, and go and do as i've said, and never look back.

i'm going to miss you india chance, and i love you. i love you so fucking much.

all my love, now and forever,

matty. x