stripper killer [matty healy]

twenty nine - desperate

desperate:(adjective) feeling or showing a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.

─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─

india

i furiously wipe at my eyes in attempt to avoid looking at him. i was embarrassed and ashamed of myself and the fact that i could feel his gaze on me certainly wasn't helping.
"come with me." he takes my forearm within his grip and leads me to a bedroom.

his bedroom.

the bedroom.

and although this is the first time I've been in here since i uncovered the... situation, i'm surprisingly okay. i was honestly beginning to question my sanity. the chill i have over the whole situation cannot be normal.

within seconds of being in the room he's sat me on the edge of the bed and perched himself next to me, his hand resting on top of mine.

"what do you mean, india?" he asks, referring to my statement in the hall. his brows furrowed in confusion and thought. "please explain."

i let out a frustrated sigh. "i.. i don't know. like - i don't wanna be here, but.. at the same time, i do. i just - i dont know, it's weird." i grow frustrated at my inability to explain how i'm feeling. "i'm not supposed to like you... but i do."

he wraps his arm around me and drags me onto his lap. "i think..." i hear him say as i link my arms around his shoulders and bury my face in the crook of his neck. "you've got a minor case of stockholm syndrome."

i groan sarcastically, not moving my face. "its more serious than minor."

he hums in response while his hand runs circles on my back. "you know..." he begins and pushes backwards so we're lay down across the bed, still entwined with each other. "you're the only person to ever accept me for who i really am."

i force weak smile and turn my head to look at the wall facing away from him before letting it fade. did i accept him? it's all too much to handle. this is all too crazy. here i am, lay in the arms of a killer who had stabbed me weeks before and yet i've never felt more safe. but, i didn't approve of what he had done.. and i wasn't going ever to either.

i feel his warm lips press against the shoulder that my sleeve had slipped down. "india?" he asks softly, causing me to face him again.

"mhm?" i flick my eyes up to look at him lay higher up than me.

"we can stay here and be happy can't we?" he looks at me, eyes filled with hope. it's the happiest and most content i've ever seen him. "i don't want you to leave me. you won't leave me, will you?" his hand traces patterns on my arm as he speaks.

"i don't need to answer that..." i sigh. "i don't have a choice anyway."

i watch his face fall at my words and i feel like i'd just kicked down a wounded puppy. this sickening guilty feeling in my stomach was building and my throat just felt dry.

i know he had finally felt like he'd found his place in life... found the person whom he would stay with. but, that's not me. we are too different. he belonged in prison.

this guilt i'm feeling now, that's something he will never experience. he will never know fear or genuine happiness. he doesn't have feelings for me, he just doesn't want to be alone... and i don't blame him, nobody does.

"what do you mean?" he snaps, sitting up and running his hands through his hair.

i sit up too, placing a palm on his thigh. "look, matty.. you know this would never work properly. we're only having these feelings because we are trapped with eachother. yeah, sure... they are great, wild, uncontrollable and unexplainable feelings. but, they are just feelings... and that's all that ever will b-"

"no, no!" he cuts in, standing up. "you don't know what you're saying we can be happy. we can stay here forever and we can-"

"matty, enough!" i cry. "you're keeping me imprisioned here. i'm sorry but that's not the kind of boyfriend i want." i wave my arms in the air. "what about my family? niall? harry...? what about my job, my life matthew! what happens to all that?"

he falls to the floor on his knees between my legs and grips my hands desperately. "leave it all behind. we can start over! just me, you an-"

"and the girls you decide to bring back to mutilate?!" i snap, pulling my hands away. "you're a fucking killer matty, and one day they are gonna come for you."

he shakes his head once more, his grip tightening on my hands. "i know places we can hide if it ever comes to that."

i sigh and look away from him. "what if you hurt me again... or even worse, what if you kill me?" my voice wavers as i speak, because even though i believe him when he says he wouldn't, it's still a definite possibility.

"india... i've wanted to kill you the moment i saw you dance that night. i tried, you know that! but i couldn't, theres something about you that makes me human and i don't ever want to let that go."

even though he was sat confessing how much he wanted to murder me when we met, my heart fluttered. did i mean this much? i watch as his bottom lip twitches, like he was about to cry, but not a single tear surfaced.

"please." his voice is desperate. "fall in love with me for another week... and if you still want to go by then, i'll let you."

my eyes widen at his words, he can't possibly be serious. "really?" i rush. "you'll really let me go?" the racing of my mind already in full swing. i could see everyone again, go to the shops, live a normal, boring life.

he nods glumly and raises to his feet again. "i promise." he takes my hand and pulls me up from the bed into his arms so he can rub his nose against mine. "just fall in love with me for one more week."

"okay." i instantly agree. that was an offer i couldn't refuse, so i take a deep breath, lean in and place a hard kiss on his lips (not that i minded doing that, at all.) "one week."

─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─
{authors note}

yay for quick updates!

GUYS WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE ALL THE BEST, I'M GAINING A THOUSAND READS FOR EVERY NEW CHAPTER I PUT UP. LAST NIGHT I WAS 14.9K AND NOW IM ALMOST 16K. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!

on another note.. is anyone else missing hindie??? I am!

guys, i accidentally deleted my story "inked" and everything's gone! i'm so upset i could cry, but I'll just start another one soon, so it's okay!

also, if you're into 1d or / and zayn, check out 1997zjm ! her story is amazing.

all the love .x