Strings

Facing It

"No? You don't want me to be your mother? Well that's a bummer honey."

"Why? What do you care?" Stef asks with so much hostility as Sharon can't help but smile softly at her.

"Well I gotta say it's been amazing having you honey. We have had one amazing year together and you have made me remember things I forgot about."

"Like what?"

"Well, you made me enjoy life again. You made me remember my music and how much I loved playing it. You know after Frank passed I didn't do much of anything and I was hurting very much from it. Angry at life, angry at god and angry at the world. I gave up my music and almost gave up on myself. But, when I got the call to foster you I knew I couldn't continue to give up on life like I was. You, made me remember how good life is."

"But how? I'm a pain in the ass. I'm not a good person. I'm nothing."

"Why do you say that about yourself?" She asks now scooting over to the girl. "Mm?"

"It's how I feel sometimes. I don't even know where I came from and I hated that stupid class today. It made me feel like crap."

"What class baby?" She asks softly tucking Stef's long hair behind her ear that was still a matted mess from when she had torn her room apart.

"That stupid history family tree class!"

"Mm I see. I guess everyone was talking about where they came from?"

"Yes. And so what! Like I give a crap were Linda's grandmother worked and her great grandmother owned a farm and she got her stupid talent from her uncle. Who cares!" Seeing the girl grow angry again Sharon knew by this time it was ok to scoot even closer as she could see the anger and pain coming from the young 13 year old. "I don't care!"

"Sweetheart, it's ok to be angry that you don't know this about yourself. It is ok to feel what you are feeling about it, that is all ok. And I know there isn't anything I can say to make you feel better about it and to fill that void. For that I am sorry. I can't imagine how hard that must be."

"It's ok." The blonde says sniffling as Sharon rubs her back up and down.

"Not really but I will always try to help you. Do you want me to try to help find your family? Mm?"

"No. It's, it's ok.  They didn't want me. They didn't even name me." She says now looking over at Sharon with tear stained cheeks. The red head knew this and felt horrible. "No one does so you shouldn't waste your time with me."

Wiping the girls cheek with the back of her hand Sharon's heart was breaking as she wanted so badly to take Stef's pain away. But new she couldn't.

"I have never seen or viewed my time with you as wasted. Not one single day baby. Ever. And I don't know the reason why your family gave you away, or why they didn't name you but it doesn't mean that they didn't love you. Sometimes, well, sometimes things happen in life that we never plan honey. And I know it's not an easy thing, and I know your life was hard. But, I am here now.  I am here and not going anywhere even if you don't like me. Even if you get angry and scream at me and don't want me to hug you. I am still here and I still want to adopt you."

"Why, why?" Stef asks as tears continue to stream down her face.

"Because you are my daughter and I love you no matter what. That's why. And you are stuck with me doll face so you might as well accept it." She laughs as a small smile forms on Stef's face. "Now lets go out and get pizza. What do you say? And I can tell you about my family history which is yours. Want to know about my crazy Aunt Bertha shaved her husbands head?"

"What?" Stef giggled.

"Oh it's a good story! You will love it."

"Ok. And...well...I'm sorry I yelled at you and said that stuff. I didn't mean it." The young blonde says looking at her finger and playing with them. Sharon can only smile as she gently lifts the girls chin up and kisses her forehead.

"I know you didn't baby. You are forgiven. Give me a hug sweet cakes."

"Ok!" Stef smiles happily as she hugs the woman whom she loves more than life. "I love you Mama."

"Aww I love you too doll face."

FLASHBACK ENDS

That night as Stef laid close to Lena tears ran down her face once again as the loss of Sharon continued to pain her at times.  It really did and it seemed the emergence of Gina, the adoption with Cap was making it surface all over again. It really did as she now sat up in the bed and Lena feeling sat up as well rubbing her back.

"You ok babe?"

"I still miss her Lena. And it still hurts. Why did she have to die?" It wasn't often Stef asked then out loud but she had a handful of times to Lena who always treated it as gently as she could. 

"I don't know sweetheart. I mean I wish I had an answer for you. I really do but I don't know why she had to die. I know how much you loved her."

"Yeah. It's ok." she says wiping her eyes.

"Have you been dreaming about her again?"

"Yes. Memories come back to me. And it, it just make everything harder. This is a bitch Lena. It really is."

"I know it is. And it's ok to feel what you are feeling. Her passing left a big scar in your heart and in you. And it's ok to feel that still. You just need to take your time baby and know that I am here. What can I do?"

"Len, I think I need to see her." The blonde says feeling the lump in her throat. " I think I need to visit her grave."

"Ok. You tell me when and we will go. Ok? Anytime."

"Yeah."