Strings

Callie's Thoughts

As Callie Lena Foster laid on her floor in her first ever room her mind was so confused she just didn't know what to do.  Her heart was starting to open a bit for her mother and she didn't want that to happen. There was no way that could even remotely happen but it was starting to. How? How could let this happen and when did it start to happen. When did she start to feel for her, when did she start to understand a tiny bit of what she had been through.  Maybe she should not have listened as hard as she did in those therapy sessions but she had and she had listened to every single word her birth mother spoke. She had witnessed every tear she shed and inside her heart was breaking. In her mind and in her young mind she really couldn't believe how similar their lives were and she felt the same ache Stef did about the loss of her foster mother. Callie missed April and she really had been the first person after her mother that loved her in the way she needed. She had been affectionate, kind, sweet and taught her how to control her temper for the most part. Not being with her had been painful and seeing her little sister become so close to Lena and Stef had been just as painful. Lena was another one for as she observed her diligently with her sister she could really see she did care for Mariana. It was the way she spoke to her, it was the way she took care of her and it was the way she made her little sister smile. Sure it bugged her for she just didn't want her sister to get hurt and she knew she would. Or would she?  Seeing her latch onto Stef had been harder to watch and accept for the young teen just couldn't understand it. She had told and warned Mariana over and over again to stay away from her. But she just wouldn't listen for anything and Callie just didn't get it. What did she see in her birth mother? Why did she like her to the point that she hugged her, spoke Spanish with her and played dress up constantly with her police clothes. What was it? Or maybe she did know what it was and that scared her. Maybe deep down she really saw that Stef wasn't a bad person, and that she didn't give her away or leave her. Maybe she was telling the truth. But what if she wasn't?

During their conversation in the kitchen it had scared Callie.  It was almost too personal for her and she was starting to remember even more especially when she heard her mother  singing. Stef's voice was so distinctive to the point it put tears in her eyes and   remembered sitting on the front steps of a house of some sort in her mother's lap as she pressed the strings of a guitar. 

FLASHBACK

"Like that mama?" Callie asked happily as she gently played the string.

"Yes my girl just like that baby. Now lets play another chord yes? Just put  your hands where mama's are and remember it. Ok?"

"Ok mama." Adamantly she followed her mother's directions as she put her hands just where Stef's where and another note came out. "Yeah!"

"Yeah is right baby! Very good. God you are so good you know that?"

"Like you?"

"Better then me." Stef winked as Callie poked her lips out and Stef poked hers out as well. "Sing mama. Please."

"Ok love but you sing with mama too. I want to hear that pretty voice."

"Ok! Country road take me home to the place I belong!" Letting out a wide smile Stef kissed her little girls forehead as her little voice warmed heart and she began to play again.

"Go on keep singing baby."

"West Virginia mountain mama, take me home country road." Callie continued happily not missing a beat as her hands remained on top of Stef's.

"That's it sweetheart you got it! You got it my baby!"

Smiling wide at her mother Stef's heart could only melt at the site.

FLASHBACK ENDS

Wiping her tears once again Callie tired so hard to keep the memory locked up telling herself it was only a dream. The blonde with the long hair and guitar was only a dream. But she wasn't. She was in the next room begging for Callie to forgive her. Pleading for another chance and busting her ass to get her little girl to believe her. Her little girl wanted to but she just was so scared, she was so terrified of being hurt, of it not being real and of being taken from another home.  April had loved her and she had trusted her but in the end life had given her a bad deck of cards like it always had. In her mind it had given Stef a bad deck too and maybe that was how it was supposed to be? It had given her little sister a bad deck too. She couldn't let this go on. She couldn't risk caring for this woman. She couldn't risk getting hurt again and she knew she had to get out. She had to leave for it was getting to close. Stef was getting too close and Mariana was beyond attached. So much that she was unsure if her little sister would even go with her.  Their bond was it that strong anymore? Did Callie only have herself now? 

As these thoughts flew around in her brain she heard Stef begin to sing again another song that was all too familiar to her. Quietly getting up as to not make any noise she grabbed her own guitar one she had not played in months and began to play and sing along as quietly as possible. 

"I really want to know you, Really want to go with you,Really want to show you,
That it won't take long.." Callie whispered.

This was what she was afraid of.  This was what terrified her to no end but it was almost like she couldn't control it. Callie was most certainty without a doubt her mothers daughter no matter how angry she was and no matter how much she tried to deny it. What she didn't know was that the walls in the blonde's apartment were extremely thin and thinking no one could hear her the one person she didn't want to heard every single note. As Stef continued to play and sing tears were streaming down her eyes ones that would never stop as she listened to her little girl for this was one step she never saw coming.

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I don't know Callie is starting to break. I don't know she seems freaked out and could try to run or just break down in front of her mother and Lena. Not sure.

* the song they are playing is, My Sweet Lord, by George Harrison