And The Words We Couldn't Speak

29

I sat curled in a ball on Gerard's bed all day. Nancy came to check on me a few times, but I didn't want to leave. I was anxiously awaiting their arrival. Around noon, I heard a car pull into the driveway and I exhaled shakily. I felt my heart race as the engine cut off and the car door opened and then slammed shut. A few minutes later, the front door opened and I heard footsteps going down the hallway. They then traveled up the stairs and down the hallway. I heard them stop in front of the door and I sighed in relief as Gerard pushed open the door.

"Holy shit, "he exclaimed suddenly. "You scared the hell outta me." I laughed quietly and he came and sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

"So, "I said quietly. He knew it was an implied question. I saw the hurt that lingered in his eyes before he nodded slowly, shamefully. I took a deep breath. I knew it was true. Gerard wouldn't cause me this much pain because he was lying. He just wouldn't do it. I heard another set of footsteps coming up the stairs and I braced myself for the sight of him. The steps went down the hall and into his room. There was the thud of him putting his bag on the floor and then, the steps traveled down the hallway and stopped outside the door. A knock sounded.

"Come in, "Gerard said quietly. Mikey opened the door and smiled at me. I just looked at the fraying edge of one of Gerard's notebooks. He walked over to me and Gerard gave me a questioning look. I nodded slowly. He nodded and left the room, leaving me and Mikey alone.

"Hey baby, I've missed you, "he said walking over to me. I nodded slightly. He raised a brow, and sat next to me on the bed. He leaned in for a kiss, but I pulled away from him. His eyes narrowed in confusion momentarily. He tried to grab my hand, but I recoiled and he sighed. "What's wrong with you?"

"What were you doing around three yesterday?" I asked quietly.

"I was probably at the show, "he said confusedly.

"The show ended at 2:30, "I said quietly.

"Then, I was probably out with the guys, "he said decidedly.

"None of the guys had seen you after the show... Answer me this. Who were you with?" I asked, speaking just a little louder.

"I don't know. What is this about?" He asked, growing seemingly more impatient.

"I called you yesterday, after the doctor's appointment. The only thing is that you didn't answer your phone. Some girl did. I checked and checked and checked again to make sure I had dialed the right number. I did... So, what I want to know is, who were you with?" I asked, feeling the tears burn my eyes. He looked down and then back up at me.

"I wasn't with any girls, "he said quietly. I knew he was lying. I knew him too well.

"I see, "I said simply. I got up and left Gerard's room. I went into his room and grabbed my purse and a jacket. He came into the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked, propping himself up on the doorway. I turned to look at him. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Where am I going?" I repeated slowly. "I'm getting the fuck out of here, for starters. I'm going to go stay with Frank for a while." That seemed to trigger something in his head.

"Wait, what is wrong with you?" He asked quickly.

"You know, if you didn't want a kid, you could've just said so. If you didn't want to marry me, you didn't have to do so. If you didn't want to be with me, you could've just told me so. But you didn't have to fucking cheat on me, you asshole!" I cried at him. His eyes widened.

"Who told you that?" He said quickly.

"Does it matter who told me? You just told me. You didn't deny it. You lied to me, Mikey. You fucking lied to me. I don't, I can't deal with this..."I said, pushing passed him. I went downstairs and found Gerard standing by the front door, car keys in hand.

"I'll take you to Frank's, "he said, opening the door for me. I left the house and went out to the car. I got inside and I lost it. I started crying and I shook with sobs. Gerard got in the car and drove quickly to Frank's, determined to put distance between me and his asshole brother. I pulled my legs up to my chest. This wasn't fucking fair...