Be With Me

Chapter 66

"You're really happy with him aren't you?"

"I confess that I am." She nodded at the same time. Then she took a deep breath and looked at him serious. Her green glare piercing his blue one. "Now, talk to me."

"I can't." He said. Rafaela sat on the floor as her legs were beginning to feel sore, and at the same time Ozzie came in running. "There you are!" James said as the puppy leaned on his legs.

"James." Rafaela called for his attention and he looked back at her. "Tell me what's going on. I know something is going on, so tell me. You can tell me, and I am sure I can take it."

"I don't think it's a good idea." Rafaela felt right there that in fact he wanted to tell her, but he was afraid, afraid for her condition and maybe afraid of her reaction. She knew it was something serious as well.

"It is a good idea. I can take it. I swear that I can take it. I am not as fragile as I used to be. I can take this, so talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Your hands are still shaking, don't tell me you're tired, you're cold or whatever excuse is crossing your mind right now. So... I am waiting James, and you know me, I won't leave you alone until you tell me." She insisted.

James looked in her eyes recognizing the old Rafaela. The same strength, the same determination, but maybe that was just what she wanted people to see. "I'm waiting James." She insisted.

Remembering the doctor's words, he shook his head. Rafaela kneeled and squeezed his hands. "I won't leave you alone. Talk to me."

"Please Rafi..." James blurted.

It was being hard to him at that point to hold the truth inside, since he wanted so much to tell her what the truth was, as ugly as it could be, but for her own sake he needed to keep inside. It was killing him.

"No." She said firmly. "It's me James... don't you know me? Please... tell me."

James stared in her green eyes and his eyes flooded. He was fighting so hard not to tell her and at the same time fighting with his body his abstinence symptoms. Rafaela noticed how his eyes were watered and she realized how much he was suffering. Cleaning his eyes with her hands, her own eyes watered. Both their lips trembled as they tried to hold their cry inside.

"It's damn serious." He said.

"I can take it. What I can't take is seeing you're struggling, and you don't talk about it. I need to know. I told you yesterday, I care about you, so it matters to me what you're feeling. I promise I can take whatever it is that you have to tell me, so please talk to me."

James nodded. "I really need to let it out, and you're the only person I can tell this to."

"I'm listening." She sat back and held his hands back.

James looked in her eyes for a few seconds, he was searching for the right words to tell her, but then how does someone find the right words to tell another person he's addicted?

"I..." He started and then stop. "I... I don't know how to say this."

"Just say it." She said feeling her heart beating on her throat.

"I'm craving." He said. Rafaela's eyes went wide open.

"Drugs?" Her voice trembling a bit. James shook his head.

"Oh no..." He said in a whisper. "Booze." He said looking away, not taking her stare.

"Oh!" She whispered. "You have been drinking? I haven't noticed anything."

"I don't drink when I am around you. I don't want you to see how nasty I am when I drink. I am such an ugly person Rafi..." He paused taking a deep breath. Her hands squeezed his again in support and he looked back at her. "I don't want you to see that part of me, so I don't drink when I am with you, but I drink a lot when I come back home. I try not to, but I can't stand it. It's like there's this voice yelling at me so loud, and I try to resist it, but then the abstinence symptoms begin to appear, and I give in."