Bandom Bingo

Fade With Time

Pairing: ex!Josh Dun x Reader technically, but really more of Tyler x Josh friendship

Word Count: 1400

Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: The first fic of the year/decade! I hope you enjoy this one :)

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I watched as the distant lights of the next city we were playing in grew steadily closer. I had always liked seeing the skylines of new places. The blanket around my shoulders was slipping, washing my shoulders with cold air, but my attention was too focused on the outside world to care. Maybe if I stared long enough, I could forget all the other things that were bothering me too.

It had been only a couple weeks since Y/N had broken things off with me, just before the start of the latest tour. Had it not been for my busy schedule between rehearsals and my flight to Ohio, I was sure that the end of the relationship would have broken me. I was so sure that they were the one for me, but evidently they hadn't felt the same. The words they had said before they left still echoed in my head.

I love you, Josh, but I can't do this anymore.

If they had loved me, why hadn't they stayed?

My daydream was interrupted by the sound of someone getting out of their bunk. I quickly drew the blanket back up around my shoulders, holding it tight around me for a sense of security. With bated breath, I sat and listened for whoever it was. I hoped they would go back to bed without noticing me, allowing me to escape another conversation about how I had been feeling lately. Everyone on the bus - hell, everyone on the crew - knew I hadn't been myself lately, although I would never admit to that.

Tyler stepped through the curtain a short time later. He rubbed at his eyes with one hand, not yet noticing me. His feet made hardly any sound as he walked over to our little makeshift kitchen and grabbed the cup marked with his name. He glanced around before turning on the tap and filling it up. I stayed quiet, thinking that I might actually be able to get through this without Tyler noticing me on the couch.

Tyler shut off the tap and turned, leaning his back against the counter. He had just brought the cup to his lips when his eyes landed on me, huddled on the couch. His chest rose and fell slowly: a sigh. I already knew what this meant.

"I didn't even see you there," Tyler said as he shuffled over towards the couch. It was an innocent start to a conversation that would end up going much deeper. "What are you doing up? It's like three in the morning."

"I could ask you the same," I asked. My walls were up.

"Bad dream and a sore throat." Tyler held up his cup for emphasis. "Alright, what lie have you got for me today?"

I turned back towards the window. "Couldn't sleep."

"Josh, why are you lying to me, man?"

"I'm not lying."

"You've had bags under your eyes all week, you're nearly asleep during every sound check, and I've watched you chug no less than two Red Bulls before every show. I think your problem is that you don't want to sleep, not that you can't."

"Why does it matter, anyway?"

Tyler set his cup down on the small ledge beneath the window and reached out, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine."

"Josh, you're not fine."

I clenched my jaw to stop it from shaking. Tears were already pooling in my eyes, so I leaned forward and rested my chin on my hands, making it harder for Tyler to notice. The lights in the distance were twinkling, but as the tears continued to come, they became blurrier until they were just streaks of light in my vision.

"No. I'm not."

"Will you talk to me about what's going on?"

"I just don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about Y/N, no matter how much I try. I never realized how intertwined our lives were until they left, and now I just find traces of them everywhere I look. It's easier to let myself fall apart and avoid the reminders than to actually try. It's like..." I paused and swallowed hard. Tyler rubbed my back. "When I used to be stressed or I couldn't sleep, they used to have me lay on their chest and listen to their heartbeat and eventually the rhythms would match up and I would calm down. Now I lay alone in my bunk and I can hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears and it's just another painful reminder. They're everywhere I look, Tyler."

"I know it's hard, but those feelings will fade with time. You just have to push through them and make new memories, then before you know it, that's the first thing to come to mind."

"I guess."

"Hey, when was the last time you ate?" I shrugged. There wasn't a proper meal that I could remember, just snacks whenever I felt like I needed one. "Alright, let's change that."

I sat quietly while Tyler got up and made me a sandwich. He hummed quietly as he did so, but not loud enough to wake anyone else that was sleeping. I appreciated the noise, it gave me something to focus on other than the endless cycle of thoughts in my head.

"Here," Tyler said, passing me a plate as he sat back down on the couch. "Eat."

"I'm not that hungry," I mumbled.

"That wasn't a question, Josh. Besides, it's your favorite, so you might as well enjoy it."

I stared down at the sandwich for a moment before finally picking it up and taking a bite. I chewed slowly and eventually swallowed, made difficult by the lump that was still in my throat. As much as I hated to admit it, the food tasted good.

"We're not going to let you keep wearing yourself down, Josh. Can you at least agree to trying to take small steps to help yourself out?"

I nodded slowly, taking another bite of sandwich. Tyler was right about needing to take care of myself. My complete opposition to doing so had only made the last couple of weeks harder.

"Good."

Tyler sat quietly with me while I finished up my sandwich, then helped me off the couch and back towards my bunk. After my meal and a break from my thoughts, my eyelids were starting to grow heavy, though the idea of laying down to sleep still scared me. The quiet of the bus gave me too much room to think.

"Get comfortable, I'm going to go grab something," Tyler whispered. I nodded and carefully got up into my bunk, trying my best not to disturb Mark beneath me. He was a heavy sleeper, anyway.

Tyler returned thirty seconds later with a pair of headphones and my phone. He handed only the headphones to me and motioned for me to put them on.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Making sure you're able to get some sleep tonight."

He took the other end of the cord and plugged it into my phone. I waited patiently while he clicked and scrolled, obviously on the hunt for something specific.

Quiet music began to play a short time later. It was instrumental, but had enough rhythm and beat to it that it would keep me distracted as I tried to sleep. Tyler, obviously pleased with himself, looked up to me with a smile.

"How is that?" he asked.

"Good," I nodded. "Thanks."

"Will you be able to sleep?"

"I think so."

"Alright. Is there anything else you need?" he said, finally passing my phone to me.

"No."

"Then I'm going to head back to bed. We do have a big show to play tomorrow, after all."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I waited until Tyler was safely in his bunk to draw my curtain closed and close my eyes. The soft music quickly began to lull me into a deep sleep. It was the first night in weeks that I managed to fall asleep without tears in my eyes.

And I was determined to make sure it wasn't the last.