tokyo.

XXI

i wiped my eyes as i found myself crying again.

i sniffled as i looked at my pen in hand and the lyrics that i had already written.

"stop beating yourself up." mina said.

"i-i'm not."

"you're crying. you're thinking of that night," she sighed. "that night was perfect namjoon, it was so amazing-"

"but i shouldn't have listened to what you said. i should've been stubborn and made you stay the night. this all started with me, i should've never let you go that night...."

"namjoon look at me-"

i shook my head, tears began to pour out, "no no no, it's my fault!" i cried.

"namjoon, look at me," she grabbed onto my face, her cold fingers wiping my tears, "you did nothing wrong. you did everything perfectly right."

"but i let you go...i let you go mina," i silently sobbed. "it's my fault. i'm so sorry...."

"namjoon-"

i opened the cupboard in my room, grabbing, another bottle, soju and popping off the cap.

"namjoon stop-"

"why did i listen to you huh? why did you leave? why didn't i try harder to make you stay?" i took a sip of the alcohol, it immediately burned my throat, but i didn't feel anything, just numb.

"namjoon stop! please!" she began to cry.

"it's all my fault! everything is my fault!"

i threw everything off my desk, a glass or two breaking.

"namjoon!"

"hyung! what are you doing?" jungkook bursted through the door.

i cried as i ran out the door, "hyung! no! you're dru-"

i slammed the door, running to my car, speeding off quickly.

once i was in the road, i struggled to focus, my phone kept vibrating because of the never ending calls jungkook kept making.

"namjoon stop the car." mina appeared next to me.

"no." i sternly stated.

"namjoon stop the fucking car! now!"

"i said no! get the fuck out of my head mina!" i screamed. and she disappeared.

i sobbed as i tried keeping the wheel straight, "fuck my life." i said to myself.

"i hate this! i fucking hate this!"

it almost felt like everything i loved didn't matter to me at the moment. everything i loved, i hated.

why do love and hate sound just the same to me?

all i could do was think about mina too, her showing herself to me made me go crazy. i think she was just trying to help though, i don't know, i'm drunk.

and then, another epiphany. an epiphany of lyrics.

i can't sleep, homesick, but i just wanna stay right next to you. if i could choose my dream, i just wanna stay right next to you.

"oh my god," i mumbled. "my song, my song is done!" i laughed happily.

"namjoon..." mina appeared yet again.

"what is it now?"

"the truck."

"what tru-"

"the truck namjoon! watch out for the-"

boom.

crash.

darkness.

•••

oh shitttt i think the story is coming to an end idk lol
[sorry for any grammatical errors]