The Marrying Type || Jensoo & Chaelisa

Chapter 42

"No. Not anymore. Not for years."

"Really?"

"It was...14, I think. I was young. I...do you want to hear?"

Jisoo nodded slightly.

"I was young, I felt trapped, I felt like nothing was right and I had no control - Nayeon had just left, I didn't know what was going on in my life. I was desperate to feel something, anything really...and so I asked Chaeyoung to get her then-boyfriend to buy me some vodka. She...she wasn't in a good place either, it's not easy being in the circles we grew up in."

Jennie paused to take a deep breath, and Jisoo looked at her in concern.

"You don't have to keep going, if you don't want to."

"No, I want you to understand. I want you to not have to worry, I want you to see that it was just a one-time thing."

"I trust your word if you tell me it was that."

"I don't want you having to wonder. It's fine, Jisoo."

Jisoo stared at her for a while before nodding and resting her head against Jennie's.

"I...I didn't mean to try, not at first. At first it was just drinking. I hated the taste, but I loved how free it made me feel. I went to school drunk. I went to my after-school activities drunk. I...I'm not so sure how my liver survived it all. But then there was that one night." Jennie paused for a second to try and recall a name. "My mother had told me she'd found me a boyfriend, the son of a colleague - Daniel, I think his name was - and she told me that I'd have a date with him the coming weekend. She basically told me that I was to do as she told, and at that time, I just felt like I'd been set up in an arranged marriage. That night, I...I went to her medicine cabinet and took her sleeping pills and painkillers, and took half the bottle and topped it all off with vodka. And the next thing I knew, I was vomiting blood, and there was someone screaming..."

Jennie could feel Jisoo flinch, and looked up to see tears in her eyes. "Hey..."

But Jisoo shook her head, biting her lip to keep herself from crying. Jennie sighed and rose a little bit upwards, and cupped her face gently as she pressed a kiss to Jisoo's lips, gentle as a feather. Jisoo let out a shaky breath and wiped at her eyes, feeling idiotic for reacting so - but hearing Jennie talk about that, and how small and pained her voice was, it all just made Jisoo tear up and want to hurt anyone who had ever dared to try wound her wife. She wrapped her arms tighter around Jennie and buried her face in her hair, hiding her tears and hoping she'd be able to keep them down.

"Jisoo..." Jennie murmured.

"I just...I hurt for you," Jisoo whimpered, "I don't understand how, and you're being so...well, you're not okay with it all, but at least you're not crying - but hearing that, it...my heart hurts, Jennie, I just want to hold you and hurt anyone who ever even tries to come close to you, and I wish you wouldn't have had such a shit life. I'd do anything for those bad memories to go away."

Jennie smiled softly and leaned closer into Jisoo, her hand rubbing gently at Jisoo's back. "Jisoo, I'm fine. The past is the past. I had some rough times, and some rougher times. But I'm fine now. I have some nightmares, and sometimes I'll get sad, but so does everyone. It's just healthy."

"But I...god, Jennie, I wanted to throw that woman out of a window. I've wanted to hurt your parents for a while, and then I just saw her and instantly wanted her dead - It's terrifying, I shouldn't be wanting people dead. I shouldn't be wanting people hurt, and yet, I'd want nothing more than to land a punch into that sniveling face of your dad..."