Be With Me

Chapter 46

"It's late." He commented.

"I was with Kelly." She said.

"It's past dinner time..." He continued.

"I had dinner with her. Do you want me to prepare you something to eat?" She offered.

"No... I had a sandwich. I'm not hungry." Then they both fell silent. Seeing he wasn't going to say a thing, she got up to leave. Being there was suffocating her. She didn't understand how he could be locked up in there all day. "How can you?" He asked then, making her halt and look back. "How can you?" He asked again.

"How can I what?" She asked a bit lost with the meaning of his question. James got up and stopped near her, bringing his face close to hers but his eyes showed rage.

"How can you? How can you just go on like nothing happened? Being out all day with your friend, having fun..." He accused her. His eyes were swollen and blood shot. He had probably been crying. She could also smell beer in his breath.

"I was not having fun ok?" She said offended with his words. "I am not acting like nothing happened. Don't you ever say that again because you don't have the slightest idea of how I feel!" Her tears prompted in her eyes.

"You act like it! Our son died! HE DIED!" James raised his tone.

"I KNOW!" She yelled even louder. "I could ask the same thing to you! How can you be locked up in here the whole day... the whole fucking day!" She cried. "Want to know why I go out? Want to know? Because I can't stand being at home. I can't stand being here surrounded by his stuff and know that I'll never hear his voice again, that he'll never play with these toys..." She pointed around. "... that I will never hear his laughter or hear him call me mommy. I can't stand to be inside the house because everything here reminds me of him and it's just too painful, so I choose to go out and stay away for as long as I can."

"This is our home." James stated.

"I don't feel like it is my home anymore. I don't want what's inside here anymore because something important for me is missing. I don't want to be here. Want to be shocked with it? So be! But that's the way it goes for me. I just want it all to disappear... I want to wake up in the morning and realize I am just living a nightmare. I would give anything, anything at all to have him back. Don't ever doubt that I am hurting, but I am hurting my own way. We're different, we act different, but it doesn't mean that I am not hurting. He was my son, my baby..." She sobbed. "And I think, I think you should go out too because you're drowning in such depression that it's even dangerous. We need to move on, as hurtful as it may sound we need to move on."

"I CAN'T!" James yelled. "I can't move on... I was the one taking him out of the pool. He was freezing Rafi! When I grabbed him in my arms, he was dead cold. Don't ask me to move on that easily. Don't ask me to pretend like nothing happened."

Rafaela looked at him. "There you are..." She pointed out. "Indirectly telling me that I am being cold about this. The least say it! Say it to my face!" She approached him. "Say it to my face James..." She defied him. "Say it..." She glued her face to his and yelled. "SAY IT!"

James frowned and grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her away from him. He stared at her with his blue eyes filled with tears but remained silent. She turned around and left. Rafaela went to their room and crashed on the bed crying. She was nothing but hurting the loss of her son and it hurt her even more James was thinking she was alright with it. How could he ever question her love for their son? She heard noise in the kitchen, the door of the fridge opening, then closing. Probably he had gone to pick up another bear. She didn't hear him going back to Liam's room, so she assumed he had gone outside. After a while she went there.