Sunshine

12.

I sat against the tree where we piled rocks for Otis. The wind blew in my hair, I wish that it could cool down the anger that was building inside of my body. Thinking back, Hershel had gone back towards the house. Shane was yelling at him to admit that he knew Sophia was in there. He denied it. He then told everyone to get off his property by sundown.

"Come on, Sonny." He spoke to me but I stood behind Daryl. I shook my head and then stepped near him, my body was shaking my anger, "you know damn well if they go I go with them. You had my mother in there and didn't think to tell me!?" I yelled in his face. His face dropped and he tried to reach out for me but I took a giant step backwards and then stormed off to this tree. 

I found out Daryl was the one who grabbed me from my death. I would've let her bite me too. They all knew it. It felt wrong to be the one who survived. Out of my sister and mom I was the one who was still here. Why?

I let out another sob sinking deeper into the earth wrapping my arms around my knees and brought them into my chest. About an hour went by and I felt my body go numb as I stared out onto the field. I couldn't trust the only people I thought were family again. They kept my mom away from me. Maybe for the reason of me going in there and ending her suffering. Or maybe because I was dealing with Amanda. Either way, it hurt.

I heard footsteps but didn't bother to look.

"Sonny. I know you're angry or sad, or whatever you're feeling right now but something is wrong with Beth and I can't find my dad." I heard Maggie say. I ignored her hoping she'd go away.

"C'mon. We kept her from you for your own good." Maggie tried again but I kept up the silent game for as long as I could.

"Just, can you and Glenn go find him? Bring Rick?" She asked and I sharply turned my head in her direction and snapped, "I'm not your fetch dog. If you want him to get him yourself." She took a step back and glared at me.

"What's wrong with you?" Maggie asked and I just let out a cold chuckle, "just- go." I turned my head again and stared out again. What was I doing? I didn't need to stay, but what Maggie said about Beth worried me. Yet, I couldn't think of that. All I could think of was how they betrayed me and didn't tell me she was in there.

I sat there for a couple more hours. Doing nothing but thinking about the 'ifs'. My heart fell heavy when I thought about her dying. If she was looking for us... and that's when it hit me. I stood up as quickly as possible and headed straight for the house when Rick and Glenn walked out with Maggie. I stopped by the RV and watched as Maggie hugged Glenn and then the two men headed off in the KIA that they brought here.

I then started to go for the house again. Maggie noticed me on the porch and waited for me. I then got to the bottom of the steps and angrily let out a yell, "my mom came back!" My voice cracked, Maggie shifting her weight awkwardly.

"Didn't she!?" I yelled louder causing many people to notice. I felt eyes from the group burn into the scene. Maggie tried to come towards me stepping off the porch but I stepped back.

"She left Maggie! When I was in 6th grade. She left without saying anything! She came back when the shit hole world started didn't she? She knew your step mom! She was here!" I was screaming so loud that even Daryl who was camped a little ways showed up to watch the show. My whole face was now soaked with tears. My vision clouded.

She tried to reach out but I pulled away sending her a glare, "answer me!" I snapped causing her to jump and take a few steps back. She nodded without saying a word and I was taken aback. This was it. This what was pushing me too far. My heart broke. I felt it crack inside of me. I stared at her with disbelief and hurt. A tear started to fall down her face too but I just pushed past her and walked into the house.