Take You Back

SILENT GRIEF

~Family is supposed to be our
safe haven. Very often, it's
the place where we find the
deepest heartache.
-Iyanla Vanzant

My facial expression sank faster than a penny in a pond. My skin became icy and pale as white itself. Was I even breathing? Every thought in my mind was silenced by denial and grief.

"Mom, Dad," I whispered terrified. They looked at me adoringly, something that they never once overdid.

Envy was a good way of saying how my mom didn't like me. The way her eyes traveled down my body looking at me in pure disgust--a prima donna if you may ask me.

My eyes traveled to the seat beside her and saw a young woman. My mind traveled to all the possibilities that somehow that she was their daughter or just someone they randomly picked off the street to take my place. But just by looking at her, I could see the similarity between her and John. They had the same strong jaw, high cheekbones, thinner lips, and beige skin tone.

Though between her and Sarah, they shared the same reddish-brown hair and light brown eyes. Now that I could look them in the face without getting beaten, I looked nothing like them. It was as if I was adopted. But I couldn't retaliate that I was in an orphanage. Most of the time, I remember that I was with them.

Curiosity ate me up when I snapped my head to the young woman.

"So this is supposed to be my sister? A little bit over the top, I must say she doesn't live up to being one of the Johnson's" Who was she to tell me that I couldn't live up to being his wife? If she was worthy to be one, then she would be the one in my spot. She grinned at me, showing her perfect white teeth. Her eyes traveled down my body, but seeing my hands that were intertwined with Vincent, her face changed into something sour.

"If I'm not eligible to be his wife, why aren't you the one up here? I will not tolerate disrespect in my home, so if you can't follow those rules, I'll advise you to leave." She looked taken aback by my words, knowing that if she tried to make me feel bad, the walls that I had built for all these years were useless to me.

"You bitch! I'll make sure you're dead." I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief. This was who he wanted me to meet? I was not convinced that he would let them abuse me again. "You don't get to send threats or disrespect my wife. This is her house, and not yours. Use your words carefully, Ms. Jessica." My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected. Every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. He defended me for the second time, but this was all an act. I still don't trust him. If he's capable of bringing my parents here, who knows what else he can do.

My hands gripped Vincent's hands tightly. He retrieved his hands, giving me a strange look before taking a seat.

"Laura, just take a seat will you!" My mother exclaimed, or should I say, Sarah. "I'm not your daughter, so don't tell me what to do. And do I look like a kid to be ordered around, and don't even try John." I pointed a finger at John. His mouth was left open when I interrupted his speech.

The people who were the cause of everything were sitting right in front of me.

There were nights I lay in my bed listening to the sound of fighting. My mother would shout, my father would begin to lay into her and the screaming would start. But the tables turned. They took all that anger on me.

The eyes of my father that were once filled with so much purpose and love were now replaced with bitterness and hate. The only thing that showed any resemblance to him was the shell the bitter soul inhabited. My father was gone.

"How are those scars healing Laura?" I narrowed my eyes with clenched teeth, they told her. No wonder she thought at first I was that weak little girl, but she was wrong. I'm not giving them any signs of weakness. They've gotten enough out of me.