Not the only one (formally Chloe)

Chapter 8

Chloe was woken by her alarm. "Morning." Evan said. She didn't want him here right now. "I made omelette." He said. Chloe heaved herself out of bed. As she made her way to the bathroom she felt a pain in her left thigh. The self inflicted cuts. She washed her face. She didn't want to get in the shower. She didn't want to see the cuts so it would have to be dry shampoo. Chloe could imagine the omelette Evan had made. Not the oozing cheesy delicious omelette with white toast like Gran would make. Spinach encased in egg. With a piece of sourdough toast if she was lucky. What she wouldn't give for a weekend of Scottish food. Not haggis bleugh.. but irn bru, grans comfort cooking and a deep fried pizza.
She pulled on some clothes and tied up her mid length blonde hair. As she sat at the kitchen table Evan placed a spinach omelette and a black coffee in front of her. She looked at him "thanks."
"You're welcome, I'm not working until later so I might go back to bed. Or would you like me to walk you to work."
"Evan. I am an adult. I am capable of crossing a few roads. I'm fine."
"Call me if you need me, anytime."
"Thanks, I will." Chloe said. Evan left the room, she drank the coffee and dumped the omelette in the bin covering it with tissues. She'd grab something at work.
She needed to clear her head. Yesterday had been a bad one so she decided to walk through the park. It was pretty quiet on a weekday morning. A few dog walkers, it was a crisp November day and the fresh air and it did help her clear her head. So much so that by the time she got to work she had to rush to be there on time. Her boss Jac Naylor couldn't stand tardiness. She couldn't stand anything less than perfection from anyone really. Chloe actually though she hated people.
"Hey." Chloe's bubbly best work friend Nicky said "how was your weekend off!"
"Good thanks, an old friend from home. You know Scotland came to stay for a night." Chloe smiled. Her collègues knew about her anxiety but not about the self harm, and she had no intention of them finding out. "Ah that's lovely." Nicky replied "what did you get up to."
"Ah just a girls night in, watched some soppy Rom coms, ate pizza, drank wine."
"Good, you needed some time to relax! You've been stressed lately."
"Miss Goddard! Maya Greene bay 7" came the sharp voice of Ms Naylor Chloe's boss. Handing her a patients file "Hi Miss Greene." Chloe said walking over to the patient. "I'm Miss Goddard." She looked down at the patient a teenager with long Dark hair who looked terrified "Maya." She whispered "ok Maya, call me Chloe. Is there someone I can call for you? Who brought you in.?" Maya shook her head. "Mum? Boyfriend?"
"Mums coming, she was at a meeting in Birmingham."
"Ok," Chloe said sitting on the chair beside Maya's bed trying to be as non threatening as possible "so you were born with Aortic Valve Stenosis and you had the Ross procedure when you were 18 months old." Maya nodded "ok, I will order some tests but in the mean time if you need anything just ask for Chloe." Chloe gave Maya a wide smile and Maya gave her an anxious smile in return.
Later in her shift she was talking to Mrs Santos in bed 10 when she heard someone hyperventilating she turned to see Maya struggling to breathe, Ms Naylor was stood by her looking shocked "Miss Greene you're panicking." Ms Naylor said "Maya, Maya, it's Chloe look at me. Look at me." Chloe said and Miss Naylor walked away. "Breathe, breathe in for 3. 1,2,3 and hold it 2,3 and out 2,3,4. In 2,3." Maya's eyes filled so Chloe drew the curtains around her bed and sat on the side of it. "Better ? You're okay, you had a panic attack, I know they're really scary but you're safe now" Chloe said.
"I'm sorry," Maya said
"You have nothing to be sorry for. Have you had one before?" Chloe asked.
Maya nodded "I get a bit scared sometimes, and panicky. It's silly I know. But I can't help it."
"It's okay, everyone gets panicky sometimes. And some of us have such a good nervous system that goes into overdrive. It would have helped us if we were cavemen being chased by a tiger, unfortunately it's more of a hinderance in modern life. Because there aren't too many wild tigers roaming around holby. I mean if you cross the bridge to Wales you might find wild sheep." Chloe smiled and so did Maya in-spite of herself. "Chloe?" A voice came from outside the cubicle. "Just give me one second Maya." Chloe stepped out.
"Pulses?" Nicky asked
"Not today. I'm going to spend my lunch break with Maya."
"You sure."
"Yeah." Chloe stepped back in "you said us. Do you panic too?" Maya asked Chloe looked at the ground sat on the chair then looked Maya in the eye. "Sometimes, yes. But I try my best to manage it."
"How."
"Urm, breathing, yoga, medication, therapy, talking to my mum or my boyfriend, my teachers when I was younger."
"My teachers are useless." Maya said
"Some are, unfortunately. I was lucky I had a fab art teacher. Maya, do you know What brought this on? I know sometimes panic attacks don't have triggers but.. sometimes they do."
"The scary doctor with the high cheekbones."
"Ms Naylor."
"Ms Naylor told me that my valve might be leaking." Maya started to breathe quicker again. "Maya breathe in 2.3 and out 2.3.4 In through your nose and blow it away. Ok?" Chloe put her hand on Maya's
"She told me that I might need another surgery."
"Well, we're not there yet," Chloe said looking at Maya's notes "there are other options we can try first. And if you do need surgery, she might be scary but Ms Naylor is the best, you'd be in safe hands."
"If I did, would you be there too?"
"Yeah of course. But like I said we're not there yet." She smiled and Maya smiled back "when I get panicky I do that breathing in 2,3 and out 2,3,4. 10 times and I'm usually ok then and if I'm still feeling panicky then I do it again. And find my mum or boyfriend one of my 'safe people' to talk to."
Chloe spent her whole lunch break talking to Maya about tv shows, school, anything to take her mind off her worries and hospital fears. Chloe's pager went off. "I've got to go Maya. If you need anything ask for me. Or Nicky, she's my best friend here. She's lovely."
Later on in her shift Chloe had been paged to Keller but was back in Darwin and was walking towards the nurses station. "Miss Goddard?" A woman said "Chloe?"
"That's me." Chloe said. The woman hugged her she was shocked so stood still and the woman stepped back. "Sorry, I'm Julia, Maya's mum. I just want to thank you for keeping an eye on my little girl. Maya gets panicky and told me about how you helped her with an anxiety attack and spent your lunch break with her. And told her about some coping mechanisms. Honestly it means so much to me. And Maya too of course. She has a lot of bad memories of hospital, she's spent far too much time in them.
"It's okay, I quite enjoyed chatting with her. She's a sweetheart. Go be with her." Chloe smiled.
"What was that all about?" A voice asked behind her "Evan you scared me, don't do that! I just helped her daughter who was having a panic attack that's all."
"Chloe you shouldn't have had to deal with that, what if it had triggered you."
"Well it didn't. I am an adult you know. I can look after myself."
"I think last night proves otherwise."
"Don't talk about it."
"Ok sorry." Evan said "I'll talk to Jac, get her to take you off the case."
"No she trusts me now, and you need to trust me. I'm okay Evan, honestly!"