Not the only one (formally Chloe)

Chapter 7

"Hello? Chloe"
"In the bathroom, give me 5 minutes." Chloe yelled back. She didn't want to talk to Evan right now. She'd managed to avoid a full blown panic attack but she wasn't sure which was worse. She wished she had a boyfriend who went to the football or the pub and didn't always want to talk about her feelings. She knew she shouldn't bottle things up but sometimes she didn't want to rake over her feelings, she'd rather just watch tv with a can of coke, no a bottle of sparkling water, curled up in a blanket on the sofa. He was so caring but sometimes she didn't want that. Sometimes she wanted someone to laugh and watch trashy tv with like Fi but could be serious when needed.
Shit he was home. There was blood all over her leg and the floor. She started to panic, he couldn't see her like this, he's be so mad at her for being so weak. She started wiping up the blood with toilet paper. It wasn't working she was just smudging it. Breathe in..2..3 and out..2..3..4 ok. He burst in. "Oh Chloe,"
He said crouching down on the floor beside her and taking the scalpel she'd used off the floor. "What happened?"
"I think you can tell." She said as tears fell from her face "I hate myself. I hate feeling like this. Ihate that Fi had to go back to Spain. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I hate what my mum sees when she looks at me. I'm a monster and a terrible person. I can't get it out of my head."
Evan took Chloe's hands in his "none of this is your fault."
"It is, it's my fault when I cut. It's my hand on the blade no one else's.
"Oh Chloe I wish I would have been here or you would have phoned me I will never let this happen while I'm here. But you need to talk to me."
"When I'm in that place I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't it's in me. It's inside my head"
"But it doesn't start there, does it? It's starts outside. Pressures, people,changes,surprises, manipulations."
"It's so soothing, it's been in me so long, it's so deep. I can't stop. It's within me. In the monster. In the reason why I'm here."
"Chloe look where you are now, look what you've become. An amazing doctor who gives people back their lives day in and day out."
"I know that. I do but."
"Fiona reminded you of being a teenager, you need to keep distance from her to be safe. I know she's in Spain but if she tries to make contact maybe ignore her. If seeing her causes this" he motioned at the blood on the floor and chaotic bathroom. "I don't think she's good for you Chloe."
"She's my friend!"
"Chloe you don't need friends, you've got me."
Chloe nodded through her tears but that last sentence didn't sit right with her. Even with a boyfriend she still needed her friends. But maybe Evan was right and she should ignore Fiona for a few days.
Evan tenderly treated her cuts. Once her leg was bandaged up, Evan helped her stand up she grabbed the sink "dizzy?" Evan asked
"No, just a little shaky." She replied so her picked her up and placed her on the sofa. "I was going to make courgette lasagne but I might just grill some chicken and we can have salad so we can talk."
"We've already talked, I just want to go to sleep. I'm exhausted. I don't need dinner, I ate all that pizza last night."
"At least have something if you're feeling shaky. I'll make you a smoothie."
Chloe heard the blender going, she hated veggie smoothies but she was so exhausted she didn't care right now, she just wanted to sleep, she was emotionally exhausted.
She drank the smoothie then went straight to bed. "I'll come with you." Evan said.
"No. I just want to sleep. Please leave me alone."
Almost as soon as Chloe's head hit the pillow she fell asleep.