Book 2. New Life Old Pains.

Obsession and betrayal

Paul's memories.

I'll never forget the day I met him: longs black hair, big brown eyes, thin figure and a crazy talent for the piano...Freddie Mercury. Of course the other members of the group were present that day but I felt immediately attracted by him. His ambition and his way of being entertained fascinated me; on stage he gave everything he had, the audience only had eyes for him. I was already wondering why he didn't considered a solo career but for now it was not the more important.

During our tour in America his behavior had changed drastically and although I knew he had a girlfriend, it was obvious that he was developing an attraction for men (and in my case it suited me a lot). Yes I was in love with him but I never dared to talk to him about it...so I often went to his room at night to watch him sleep, he was so beautiful and so paceful. 

I couldn't resist the urge to wrap his hair around my fingers, he moved from time to time but he never wake up. It went on until the evening when on the recording of Bohemian Rhapsody, he was not going back to bed. It was almost midnight and he still playing the piano; it was a sweet air that I immediately adore. I felt sweet chills in my back and  I wanted to know the title.

-It's love of my life, he told me. I wrote it for Mary.

-If you say so, I replied without joy.

-Are you okay Paul? You seem often distracted at this moment.

-I'm fine, I continued with a smile. You don't need to worry.

-Okay...I belive you.

He continued for half an hour then he had decided to go to sleep, my heart was beating hard and I licked my lips, I was ready to take the plunge and waited for the right moment. Freddie stared at me with his big brown eyes but his expression was neutral, then he passed next to me and I acted: I grabbed him by the collar and I smooched him; it was a bit brutal because I kissed him passionately and my tongue forced the barrier of his lips but yet I had the feeling that I felt a response from him. 

When Freddie broke our embrace there was not anger or joy on his face...he just looked lost. I was myself still in schock of my own initiative, I had never felt such adrenaline with another man except with my first lover. I tried to calm this handsome man in front of me by gently stroking his left shoulder but he pushed my hand away.

-No...No...you're doing wrong Paul, he said in a low voice. I have no love feelings toward you. 

I raised his chin and looked at him straight in the eyes.

-I know your attraction to men Freddie, I answered softly.

-And you think that means that you know me or that I love you? Oh no you're wrong, he then pulled away from me. You always preferred to see what suits you, but we work together and that's all.

I let him go disappointed to realize that I would have no chance with him, but our relationship wasn't affected, quite the contrary we both often ventured into gay bars. It was the best moments for me because Roger was constantly watching me: he said I was a sneaky guy...maybe he was right but I especially wanted to have Freddie with me and make him discover new experiences. 

As I knew how to make contacts I always found boys with whom he could talk then sometimes he disappeared with one or two of them and I didn't see them again until half an hour latter, I knew what they were doing. Freddie couldn't have a stable relationship so he fucked with anyone, I was a little jealous and so to fix it I was waiting for him to be complety drunk to get closer to him and I could kiss him and touch him sometimes intimately, he didn't even realize it.