(Not for the faint of heart)
Dear Diary,
I know its been a while since I've actually updated something... I have just been hiding from what has been going on.
My mental state is crumbling. I smile, and I do things out of obligation, yes. But I go to lay in my bed at night and all of my good thoughts go blank...
I'm NOT okay... I don't want attention or pity. I just want someone to care enough to check in on me every once in a while...
Lately I have been doing all the check ins and I have been avoiding one in particular because I'm afraid of what I might do...
I have had consecutive dreams now of me doing the not horrible thing... Every time different way... I have dreamt that I took a lethal dose of pills and went to sleep. I have dreamt of slicing my wrists open and just slowly fading away. I have dreamt of drowning myself in one of the lakes. I have even had multiple dreams of someone finding me hanging from agree outside... Or getting into car accidents..
Every time I wake up, I gasp for air... It sets the tone for the day, really...
And when I get home and cozy into bed I pull out the small razor blade and I hide every unforgivable incision well...
Please forgive me if I'm gone by Christmas... I'll try to push through the holidays... If I do I'll be a drunken mess the rest of my days...
I'm sorry...
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary...
Non-FictionThis is my diary. Interpret as you will. Before you read on, you must know that some of the entries will be light and fluffy, but some will be very very dark... The only reason I am making this is so that I can vent free of judgment. I wrote two sto...
