I'm Not Leaving // lrh

47 || candles

new york

A

Nothing in London went as planned. Not the Brits or my stunning dress or the L-Amara is back together red carpet debut.

Suddenly it was the next morning, it came what felt like way too fast. Either way, the new day was here and I had a plane to get on.

The entire trip wasn't exactly wasted though maybe it felt that way as I re-packed all my things that I didn't even fully unpack. And even though things went awry, I feel a little better now, about everything, about where Luke and I stand. Things aren't always going to be easy here, but at least he knows I'm planting my feet firmly on the ground and refusing to give up.

Jesse wanted to keep up the theme of things not going as planned, and she joined me on my flight back to the states.

She bought a last minute ticket on her own dime instead of using the 5sos team issued credit card. She was up all night, too, I could tell. She rushed down the steps of the house with her bags fully packed, she was dressed for the long flight.

"I need to visit my folks and uh, talk to them about the money for the house. I'll catch my connecting flight in New York." She said simply with a strained smile on her face.

5sos was up and at 'em really early, too. They've got to head to Germany for the show tonight.

We all said our goodbyes in the dewy, early morning hours. And I didn't want to stare or focus on anything other than Luke but I couldn't help it. Jesse said goodbye to everyone except Ashton. There's something happening there. Between those two. Maybe since we're about to be on a plane for nine hours I'll actually be able to get some answers out of her.

"Hey, we're getting a few days off in a week. If I time it right I'll be able to come down for your birthday." Luke says, supervising the loading of my bags into the van.

"Oh, no you don't have to. You'll be so exhausted and for what?"

"For you."

"No, no I'm - I'm not going to do anything anyway. You just, you rest up. Okay?"

"Okay." He takes me into his arms for one last hug, and as he shuts the van door for me he places one last hand on the window.

On the flight, Jesse didn't want to talk about anything. She pretended to sleep for an hour and then she eventually fell asleep for real. She woke up when they gave us our meal and only wanted to talk about visiting home.

Jesse obviously didn't end up at Harvard like she planned. Neither did anyone else in that friend group. It's way I avoid my dad's parties and label functions. I'm scared all the parents of the kids I used to hang out with are going to hunt me down at a charity gala and chase me out of Boston with torches and pitchforks.

I'm also convinced the only reason my lawyer is civil with me because he's seen me at some really low points. His daughter didn't graduate Harvard Law and become a corporate lawyer. But at least she wasn't getting arrested and into drunken fights with the paparazzi. I can't say the same for his wife, though.

Point being, Jesse's parents have until this year had a rough relationship with her. And Jesse has some of the same fears as me. She hates visiting Boston and hates being alone around her parents. But she needs to borrow from her inheritance to pay for some remodels on her new house and so, she's on her way to Boston.

She explained everything. Except why she wanted to leave in the middle of the night without much warning to the 5sos team. So I didn't press her on it. I told myself when she's ready, she'll tell me whatever I want to know.