success [ svt 14th member ]

[ bad habits ]

trigger warning: THIS CHAPTER MENTIONS THINGS SUCH AS SELF-HARM, SELF-HATE. THIS IS TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT HOW IDOLS HAVE FEELINGS TOO AND NO ONE SHOULD SAY HURTFUL AND HATEFUL WORDS TOWARDS THEM JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A FAN. THEY'RE ONLY HUMAN TOO, THEY HAVE FEELINGS.

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having heard of the haters, jaehan has since then locked himself up in his room in the dorm, with the boys not being able to talk to him. they were only able to talk to him if it was about performing or about practicing a new choreo.

"if he doesn't want to get out, then we have to force him out," said minghao, causing the boys to look at him.

"what do you mean force him to? how are we gonna do that?" asked jun, making minghao roll his eyes.

"we tell him lisa is outside or something. something that can definitely make him turn his head and get back to his senses," said minghao, and the boys agreed.

junhui then approached jaehan's door, but having heard the conversation, jaehan was in no mood to get out even more.

he just stared at the ceiling, contemplating about his life. the boys' voices were muffled in his hearing, since he didn't want to hear anyone out.

it was one of his bad habits, distancing himself away from everyone else completely. but what was more bad was his habit of...

"shit," he muttered, when he accidentally pressed his wrist on the bedside table.

he then pulled his sleeve, revealing uneven slits on his wrist. furrowing his brows, he started thinking about those words.

he's a loser, he's a liar.

he's a flop artist, he's just a wannabe.

he wouldn't even be in seventeen if he wasn't friends with seungcheol in the first place.

he's just using lalisa's popularity to gain his own fame.

he's also using chungha and kyulkyung as elevators for success.

he's not even that good of a dancer.

he needs to keep being a trainee, or just quit the kpop industry.

sucker.

smirking bitterly, jaehan shook his head and then laid back down on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

it was blank, but it appeared full of words to his eyes because of his endless thoughts.

"jaehan?" asked someone from the outside, and he knew it was seungcheol.

as much as he wanted to answer him, he chose not to, and just ignored him.

"he's still not answering. i don't know what to do," said seungcheol, his voice laced with worry.

jaehan wanted to reassure them that he was alright, but he wasn't even sure if he really was alright at that state of his.

he was falling back to his bad habits, and no one was there to save him this time.