Hard

48 Auden

Linc and I rush back to his house and meet up with Captain Daniel to give him the letters that Gabe wrote to Liam. My heart cannot possibly break more than it already has with this shit. My tolerance for Liam is over and I want him in prison far away from me and far away from the people I love. I am done. 

"Hey," Linc says as we walk up to his front door, I know he wants to talk about this to the point of exhaustion, but I cannot do it right now, I am not sure when I ever could, "we got this." 

His use of the word we make me flinch because this is real now, we are real, I knew that before now of course, but now with him being melted into this sticky situation with me, I realize just how real we are and it's scary, "I know," is the only thing I can respond with right now. 

We walk in and Selma is pouring tea in small teacups at the dining table. Linc's dad hugs us both when we take off our coats and kisses Linc's forehead, they are worried, which means they know. I have no idea how much they know, but now that they do things will be different; I feel like my whole life will be different from now on. 

We all take a seat at the table and I pull out the letters from Gabe to Liam. I reread them even though I know exactly what is on them. Each word is like he is stabbing me over and over, ripping through my trust and love for him in a way that I never thought he would. This whole time, he wasn't my friend at all, he was a little spy for Liam and I didn't notice. 

I hand the letters off to the captain and he begins to read. With each line, I see a new reaction of disbelief. He was right that Gabe was feeding information to Liam and I knew he was right, but that doesn't mean I wanted him to be. The saddest thing about being betrayed is that the cruelest kind is never from your enemies, it is from the people you love the most. 

Linc's hand engulfs mine and for a minute we are the only two people in the room, I see his beautiful energy around him, but no matter how much he shines, there is still a feeling of a pit in the bottom of my stomach that one day he will choke me with darkness until there is no light left in my world. 

"Auden this explains the trigger," Captain says. 

"The trigger?" I ask. 

"The reason he became infatuated with you again. I spoke to the doctors at the hospital he was staying, it seemed his focus on you shifted to another nurse there but went back to you after some time." 

A nurse, why am I not surprised? "What do we do now captain? I can't keep having run ends with him, surely he will kill me the next time." 

"Don't say that," Linc mutters. 

I squeeze his hand telling him, sorry, but the honest truth is that next time Liam gets a room with me all alone, will most likely be my last day alive. 

"Liam is not going to get near you anymore Auden. I have a BOLO on him now and I have watched on his parents checking to see if they send any money to any offshore accounts to help run off to an island or something. He isn't getting anywhere this time." 

"Forgive me, captain, if my doubts cloud any positivity." 

"Auden, I know we have been down this road, but is there anywhere you can think of that Liam would hide at? Anywhere he might feel safe?" 

"I told you before, I have no idea where he could run without his parent's help. He wouldn't get far." 

The captain huffs in frustration, "What if he told you something that you didn't catch. Something you didn't notice at the time?" 

"I would remember if he said he had a secret hiding spot." 

"But he wouldn't outright say Auden, he wouldn't risk even you knowing that." 

I try to think, really think, what did he let slip? Was there a place e mentioned? Did it ever come across my mind as a hideout spot? "I just don't think he would have told me in any way." 

"Maybe he did just not in a way that makes sense like maybe it may have sounded like a lie but there was some truth to it," Linc adds. 

I relax my body and think as hard as I can, what did we talk about? He had to let something go and then make me forget at some point. Selma brings out snickerdoodles and the scent of the cookies and the hot tea brings back to something I didn't know was there...

One year ago 

Liam and I sit together on his couch in his basement. The sheets covering us barely as he reads to me soothing poetry of Lord Byron, She Walks in Beauty. I sip the hot tea as he whispers the loving words into my ears, "And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, So soft, so calm, yet eloquent," I feel my cheeks get red from the indulging whispers. 

"Do you ever think of writing your own poetry?" I ask him. 

He reaches over me and goes for a snickerdoodle biting off tiny crumbs and chewing them slowly as he kisses my ear, "Sometimes I do. I think of doing a lot of things that I haven't done." 

"Like what?" 

"You are so curious all the time my love, don't end up like the cat." 

I laugh at his metaphor but I know that I want answers, more information on him since I never get any, "Answer the question and maybe I won't have so many all the time." 

He rolls his eyes and bites my ear again, "I think about just running away and living in a brownstone above a coffee shop. I think about it all the time." 

"Please, with your trust fund you will be getting a house immediately." 

"You're right my love, now what do you say we get back to some more enthusiastic activities." 

Present time 

"Are there any lofts above a coffee shop nearby?" 

The captain laughs a bit and then realizes that I am serious, "Auden, this is New York, there a ton of lofts and apartments above coffee shops. They tend to be on corners so people can build up into the skyline. Why does it matter?" 

"When we first started dating, he mentioned something about liking lofts above  coffee shops but he has a ton of money, it didn't sound like him." 

Linc nods along and then drops his glass on the floor breaking the small teacup, "Jesus! What's wrong?" I yell at him. 

"Auden, the Starbucks on Campus has lofts on top of it that are abandoned. Jace and I talked about maybe trying to get someone to get them running again so we could move in next year before Sutten got pregnant." 

"Would Gabe have known that?" The captain asks Linc. 

He needs his head vigorously, "Eliot's dad bought the lofts to renovate them but construction hasn't started yet. If he wanted to help Gabe, he could have told his dad not to start yet." 

The Captain whips out his phone and bounces with joy, "YES!" He begins to dial when the doorbell rings. Selma gets up to answer it but the captain stops her, motions all of us to stay quiet and whips out his gun from his holster, he slowly gets to the door. When he looks through the peephole he relaxes and opens it, "Auden." 

When I get a look at her, I can't believe it, she came all this way? It has been a few years but she still has the same petite body and blonde waves, "Caroline?" 

She nods and then pushes past the captain and runs to me, sweeping me into a hug, and patting my back, "I heard Liam stepped out of line again so what's the game plan stud muffin?" 

Caroline is back to help me? What the fuck? Geez, I need Sutten here because being with Caroline gives me anxiety. The last time that I spoke to Caroline she told me to jump off a bridge. Is it water under the bridge now? Why would she want to help me? 

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