Hard

21 Linc

Auden and I lay on the large L shaped couch in the movie room. Auden's choice of Love and Other Drugs is a good one. I forgot how much I liked the storyline and the writing. I especially love the way Auden keeps smiling throughout the whole movie. She likes movies and books like this. A broken character whose heart is revived by a less broken character. Not a damsel in distress but a simple hurting girl. I think that would be Auden's character in a movie, a hurting girl whose heart just needs a jump like a dying engine to a car. I would love to help her if I knew how to. She isn't ready for anything more yet, we need to take care of the problem. Liam is the thing holding her back. Her heart is still trying to heal and he just hops right back into her life to hold her back from moving forward. My sweet Auden. 

Her hand moves to hold mine and I rush to the opportunity, intertwining our fingers and moving her short legs so that they are in between mine. She reaches for the throw and moves it over her body but it doesn't completely cover mine. I love how close we are getting. I also love when we get out time away from everyone else. I love Jace and I am getting to liking Sutten, but I need to get all the alone time that I can with this girl. I want her to myself whenever she'll take me. 

"I am sad we are going back tomorrow." She says while she lays her head back on my chest. 

"Me either, but we have to face reality at some point."

"I know, but maybe we can just stay in our little bubble when we get back." 

I like that idea. "Are you gonna tell Gabe about us?" I don't know why I am asking because she is never going to say a word to her precious Gabe. Even the thought of him being so close to her annoys me. The jealousy bubbles under the surface where I shall keep it since she isn't technically my girlfriend. 

She sinks lower so that her head is on my stomach, "What Gabe doesn't know won't hurt him." 

I decided to just kiss her and hope my anger subsides itself. She leans in more and kisses me passionately, "Don't leave please." I beg on accident. 

"I won't." She whispers back.  I want this with her all the time. I want her in my arms and whispering things I love to hear, but even as we kiss and explore each other, she is so far away from me. 

After a long day of driving, we all pile into my house with our bags. Mom and dad's cars are not here so they must be out working today. A small note is pinned to the corkboard on my fridge...

Sweetie, we had to go but will you please tell Auden to call Professor Williams? He is worried sick about her. XOXO Mom

I can't tell her that she should call her dad because as she has mentioned before, he isn't her dad to her technically. She doesn't think of him that way at least. Now that I think about it, we just don't have conversations about her but she knows me. I have told her about my mom, my dad, and yet she hasn't told me anything at all.  

Auden's arms surprise me as they rest on my shoulders, "I should go back to my dorm." 

"I checked my phone, Jace's dad hasn't called me yet. Are you sure you don't wanna stay here instead?" 

"I shouldn't impose anymore." 

I try to not show her my sadness that she is living me and turn around to kiss her big rosy cheek. She laughs and leans into me. "Be careful." 

"I will." She promises. 

This weekend was the best and now Auden is far away from me in her dorm room studying for the test we have in English this week. It is probably for the best; I need some time to think. When I am with her my judgment is cloudy. How can I possibly do this with her? She is so hurt and with Liam running around, and my heart hurts for her. I should just keep my distance for now, 

My phone moves and I pick it up to see Devin's name appear on my phone. Lord! I thought she got the hint that I am no longer interested in her. She was a nice distraction but Auden captured my attention faster than anyone ever has. I don't want to tell her that though. I am not a complete asshole. 

I text Devin that I will meet her tomorrow morning at the grill, a college bar near campus, to talk things out. I thought I made everything clear but I don't want her to think I was ever truly interested in her. To be fair, I don't think that she ever really liked me but on the off chance she does, I want to open. Honesty should help her out. Devin caught my attention by getting drunk and handsy at a party. Her tiny little body wormed its way to me through a delirious crowd of messed up college students. She is nothing like Auden. Her personality was translucent and easily read from the first night we hooked up. I still don't even know Auden's favorite color or song she can't stop listening to. 

Jace knocks at my door and I wave him in. He has an old leather journal in his hand and a depressed expression on his face. "Hey, what's wrong?"

His eyes avoid me and play with the journal in his hands, "I knew him." He says very lowly still avoiding me. 

I push myself off my bed and go to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Knew who?" 

"I knew Liam. I knew I remembered the name." 

His words scare me and I back away from him. Jace finally looks up at me horrified. "Do you remember that night that my parents told me they were getting a divorce?"

"Yes of course." He was so distraught that night. I found him passed out on the street. I had never been that worried about someone before. My strong Jace was drugged on something and fell asleep on the curb like a homeless person. I only was able to track him down because of the maps on Snapchat. 

"When I went to that party that night, I met him. He was the one giving out drugs, talking about how he had just snagged the hottest virgin in the school." My fingers dig into my palms with anger but I let him finish. "He had met her through her friend." 

Auden's words find their way back to me from the car ride to Vermont. "Auden said what happened was karma or something; do you think that's what she meant?" 

"Most likely." 

I know that Jace feels even worse now knowing him. I don't want him to feel that way. My hand finds him and leads him to my bed. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight. I hate that the night he lost his good judgment is coming back to him. If Liam was at one of those awful drugged filled parties than he is more dangerous than I originally assumed. Those parties are disgusting and illegal. There have been multiple occasions of girls being drugged and taken advantage of. Police have been called for fighting and hazing. A lot of the football guys at my high school ran those parties and I can't count how many times I turned down an invitation. I have never been one for partying irresponsibly.  Poor Jace only went to them because he was having a hard time.

"Linc?" Jace asks. 

"Yes?" I answer still wrapped around him. 

"Can I stay in with you tonight?"

"Of course." 

I stand to go to my dresser and riffle through my clothes until I find a pair of pajama pants that will fit him. I throw them to him and he takes them to the bathroom but he stops before closing the door, "I love you Lincoln." 

"I love you too man." 

Things I know about Liam so far...

1- Auden met him when she was a freshman.

2- He was a football player. 

3- Gabe's older brother.

4- Loved Auden in his own creepy way.

5- Left Auden when she needed his medical attention.

6- Went to parties where he gave out drugs. 

7- Dated Auden's friend.

8- I hate him.